Why I HATE and DESPISE Blogs (and Welcome to my Blog)

I've always resisted the urge to blog - which would seem odd, seeing as I'm a writer, an internet junkie, and a huge egomaniac that likes to tell everyone what I think of everything. When anyone asked why I didn't blog, I explained it with a quote that I once read, "Once you get paid to write, you don't like to do it for free." It's a great quote, in that it also defined how greedy and money-driven I am.

But alas, some of my favorite writers keep great blogs and as far as I know, they don't get paid for it. I needed a new excuse not to blog, and these two reasons kept coming up.

Most Blogs Suck.

How many blogs have you seen that look like this?

Snippet from another website about how some person-with-political-views did or said something dumb

Allow me to feign righteous indignation towards the NERVE of that person-with-political-views who did or said something dumb! Allow me to make a pathetically sad attempt at humor that no one will find funny! Now allow me to rage that this snippet from another website proves that all people who share remotely similar political views are stupid!

Sound familiar? I've only seen that format, oh, about a THOUSAND times in the past week or so. Now, I actually regularly read a few websites that have this format - but I like them because the person writing is ACTUALLY FUNNY. It's not easy being funny, and when you're blinded by righteous indignation, chances are that you're not funny.

Most Bloggers are Boring.

I have no scientific studies to back me up on this, but there are a lot of painfully dull people with internet connections. A good blog makes me care about the blogger and what's going on in their lives. I realize that not everyone on this planet can live an exciting life - we can't all be Al Roker. And I realize that with the internet, you don't have to have a broad appeal because it's very easy to find other people who share your obscure passion for Montreal Canadien finger puppets (if anyone has an extra Andre Racicot, please email me). But if I ever met any of these bloggers at a party - the bloggers with no point of view and no insight into the world around them - I would just tell them, "You're so boring I'm not even going to waste my time coming up with a polite excuse to walk away" and then throw my drink at them.

Okay okay, Eugene. You've made it clear you hate blogs. Why are you keeping one now? The answer to that isn't simple. There are many complex reasons. Perhaps now was just the time. Perhaps I've gained a little maturity and perspective that I wanted to share. Perhaps I've had enough success now that I feel that I have something worthwhile to blog about. You've probably realized by now that these are just made up reasons ( I know, I know - the "maturity" bit gave it away). The real reason I'm blogging now?

Because I'm a cheap whore.

I have some projects coming up in the future that I want to be able to hype, without spamming all my friends and professional acquaintances. This blog allows me to do the equivalent of a Saturday Night Live monologue and promote myself and my projects. So if I have an episode of something I wrote coming on the air, I'm going to post it on this blog in big obnoxious blinking 72pt bold underlined italicized fonts.

Other than the cheap whore bit, I have this hope - this little itty bitty hope - that someday this blog will be useful to somebody. When I was an aspiring writer, I got a lot out of reading the blogs of professional writers. Picking up and learning a little nugget of wisdom here and there. All pathetically sad attempts at humor aside, I've been really blessed with some good fortune in my life to live the dream of being a professional writer. I'd like to try and give something back. Even if this means that everyone who hates my guts (Yes, you. Don't think I'm not onto you) will have access to my blog, I feel confident than the time is right for me to blog.

So welcome to my blog. It's free - so you're going to get what you pay for.