Internet Critics

The know-it-all internet critic.

Everyone in almost every facet of life has to deal with it. When I first started in software tech support, someone carbon-copied all my emails trying to help him to his "Antique Tractor Collector Mailing List" - so as to humiliate me in front of his buddies. Monitoring all the tech support and webmaster email, I would marvel at the ways people would casually insult and criticize you.

For years, some people at work would try to participate in the USENET newsgroups - but most of it was just the typical complaining. "This program stinks!" "I used to like the program, but now it's gone downhill!" "The people at Eudora are incompetent!" "Why won't they just make this change? It's SO OBVIOUS!" "I know more about this program than the people who make it!" "I've sent emails telling them things that they should do - and they never take my advice! How arrogant!"

Here's what I've figured out so far about the internet critic.

First off, many of them are young. I think one of the creators of Penny Arcade once said (and I'm paraphrasing), "Thank goodness the internet wasn't around when I was 13 years-old, or else all the embarrassingly stupid things I thought back then would be preserved on the internet for everyone to see." True. I'm not perfect - I said things when I was young that I'm glad none of you can hold against me. Heck, there are things that I wrote last night floating around online that I'm afraid people will see.

Otherwise, most internet critics are simply angry. They're not bad people - just angry. It's just that it takes a lot of energy to sit down and write something for other people to read. Talking about how functional something is and how you don't mind it? Not a big enough activation energy to connect to the internet and start writing. But talking about how you HATE something? How it cheezes you off? How it gnaws at your soul? Now THAT's easy. So most of what you read online will tend to skew negative - even if people, in real life, are pleasant, normal folks.

Finally, there are - of course - the losers. The stereotypical "lives-in-parents'-basement" Star Wars/Star Trek/Doctor Who dork. People who have no interpersonal skills, have no life outside in the real world, so they get their jollies online where no one notices that they're smelly and weird looking. If you were smelly and weird looking, you'd be bitter, too.

I've been getting professionally slagged on the internet for a long time. First as a tech, now as a writer. So it doesn't bother me anymore.

HOWEVER - this morning, I found a message board thread slagging a particular television show. A television show intended for pre-schoolers. A television show intended for pre-schoolers that MY FRIEND works on. And despite my ability to not let it bother me, I'm now in a nasty flame-war exchanging insults with the 13 year-olds, the angry people, and the losers.

So what's the best way to deal with the know-it-all internet critic? As David Koepp said (as relayed by John Rogers), don't pay attention to the mouth-breathers. They're entitled to their opinion. Arguing with them might make you feel better, but it'll create more enmity than it's worth. Learn to ignore them.

Oh. And maybe have a message board account under a fake username so you can use mercilessly insult anyone who dares talk badly about your friends. Those Antique Tractor Collectors still don't know what hit them.