Awful Awful NHL "Third Jerseys"
A few years back, some sports marketing genius realized that people often have more money than brains. If only there was some way to get these people with all this excess money to give their money away on stupid things?
Enter the third jersey.
NHL teams started making their players wear these "third" jerseys - with an unusual or striking design. Presumably, some fans would love these different and innovative jerseys and buy them. My favorite team - the Los Angeles Kings - was one of the first teams to have this third jersey. They soon unleashed a horrible jersey that has forever been dubbed the "Burger King" jersey and was quickly gotten rid of. Now let us never speak of it again.
Instead, let us talk about teams that still have ugly third jerseys. Behold, I give you my list of the top five worst third jerseys in the NHL.
#5 - Nashville Predators
At first glance, this jersey doesn't seem too bad. The logo isn't awful by any means. But when you watch these jerseys on television, that ugly gold makes the players look like bad dijon mustard stains on the ice. The color on the web doesn't accurately reflect how hideous they are. And I'm not a big fan of the patches under the arms - they look like underarm sweat stains.
#4 - Boston Bruins
What the heck is with that wussy looking bear? BRUINS! Their logo is a hundred years old - a bold "B" that represents Boston. Instead, this third jersey gives us Paddington - a friendly looking bear that you want to throw peanuts at while it rides a unicycle. This bear looks so cute and cuddly, I expect it to hang out with Tigger and Rabbit at the 100-acre wood. And the razor edge stripes? Very classy.
#3 - Minnesota Wild
Look at these colors. Doesn't this look like a bad sweater you'd get from that crazy relative on Christmas? "But Aunt Whacko? This sweater itches." "Shut up, Eugene! I knitted it myself! You know how long it took to make all the reds and the greens, you ingrate!?!"
#2 - Calgary Flames
I don't know what that's supposed to be. I know it's supposed to be a horse, reflecting Calgary's rodeo and horse-riding history. But something is seriously wrong with that horse. It has FLAMES shooting out of its nostrils. It's some sort of DEVIL HORSE. Even its ears are pointed up, as if horses are somehow more intimidating with evil horns. Horses are CUTE - that's why all girls 9-12 years-old love them so much. You even don't talk to horses - you WHISPER to them.
#1 - Dallas Stars
The Flames jersey was going to be #1, but this one leaped to the top when I read what Dallas Stars fans are calling their team's third jerseys. Moo-terus. Moo-terus, because the cow's head is shaped like a woman's reproductive system. You be the judge...
Enter the third jersey.
NHL teams started making their players wear these "third" jerseys - with an unusual or striking design. Presumably, some fans would love these different and innovative jerseys and buy them. My favorite team - the Los Angeles Kings - was one of the first teams to have this third jersey. They soon unleashed a horrible jersey that has forever been dubbed the "Burger King" jersey and was quickly gotten rid of. Now let us never speak of it again.
Instead, let us talk about teams that still have ugly third jerseys. Behold, I give you my list of the top five worst third jerseys in the NHL.
#5 - Nashville Predators
At first glance, this jersey doesn't seem too bad. The logo isn't awful by any means. But when you watch these jerseys on television, that ugly gold makes the players look like bad dijon mustard stains on the ice. The color on the web doesn't accurately reflect how hideous they are. And I'm not a big fan of the patches under the arms - they look like underarm sweat stains.
#4 - Boston Bruins
What the heck is with that wussy looking bear? BRUINS! Their logo is a hundred years old - a bold "B" that represents Boston. Instead, this third jersey gives us Paddington - a friendly looking bear that you want to throw peanuts at while it rides a unicycle. This bear looks so cute and cuddly, I expect it to hang out with Tigger and Rabbit at the 100-acre wood. And the razor edge stripes? Very classy.
#3 - Minnesota Wild
Look at these colors. Doesn't this look like a bad sweater you'd get from that crazy relative on Christmas? "But Aunt Whacko? This sweater itches." "Shut up, Eugene! I knitted it myself! You know how long it took to make all the reds and the greens, you ingrate!?!"
#2 - Calgary Flames
I don't know what that's supposed to be. I know it's supposed to be a horse, reflecting Calgary's rodeo and horse-riding history. But something is seriously wrong with that horse. It has FLAMES shooting out of its nostrils. It's some sort of DEVIL HORSE. Even its ears are pointed up, as if horses are somehow more intimidating with evil horns. Horses are CUTE - that's why all girls 9-12 years-old love them so much. You even don't talk to horses - you WHISPER to them.
#1 - Dallas Stars
The Flames jersey was going to be #1, but this one leaped to the top when I read what Dallas Stars fans are calling their team's third jerseys. Moo-terus. Moo-terus, because the cow's head is shaped like a woman's reproductive system. You be the judge...
posted by Eugene at 12:50 AM
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