More Tales from the Dojo (Seven Weeks)

A martial-art update for you - seven weeks since I started. Still doing the beginner class twice a week, but the sensei is pushing a few of us to stick around afterwards and join the advanced class for their warm-up drills. It's kinda intimidating doing drills with guys who've done this stuff for years, while I've only got a couple weeks under my belt.

But the worst part is that the beginner class is 90 minutes long - which is tiring enough without adding another 45 minutes of intense drills with the advanced class. It's exhausting. Then you have to put up with being called "soft" by the 85 year-old sensei. Nothing like being called out by a guy who's 53 years older than you. Makes me almost want to get into shape.

Want to introduce two more characters from my martial arts class - Likes-to-hit-stuff guy and Way-too-into-this-stuff guy.

LIKES-TO-HIT-STUFF GUY. This guy hated the first few classes, when the emphasis was on footwork and fundamentals. He was always bored, looking around for stuff to hit, and asking the sensei when he'd get to hit stuff. Whenever he got the chance and found something padded he could hit - like a stack of wrestling mats - he'd HIT IT.

There are little pads tied to the folding chairs in the dojo. One day in class, he just went down the line HITTING all the padded chairs.

Unfortunately for likes-to-hit-stuff guy, the first time that the sensei taught us hitting - he wasn't there. So he missed the talk about how hitting stuff is about accuracy and quickness - not power. But likes-to-hit-stuff guy's eyes lit up when he finally got the chance to hit something.

So the three of us in the class that day line up as the sensei holds the target. The two of us who'd been at the last class went first, doing the hitting motion the sensei had taught us. Quickness and accuracy over power.

Then came likes-to-hit-stuff guy. He shouts out this ridiculous "KIYAAAAAAAA!" and then releases the full fury of weeks of pent-up likes-to-hit-stuffness. He hit the target so hard it knocked it out of the sensei's hands and clear across the room. The entire room burst into laughter.

Now that we regularly practice hitting stuff, likes-to-hit-stuff guy has calmed down a lot. But every time he goes to hit something, I cringe and wait for it.

Then there's WAY-TOO-INTO-THIS-STUFF GUY. This guy had all his equipment when he showed up. After his FIRST class, he started asking about buying advanced equipment. He was told that he shouldn't, but he wouldn't be discouraged - he really REALLY wanted to spend money on gear he wouldn't be qualified to use for at least a year.

His THIRD class, he showed up with wooden weapons, wanting to learn kata and use them. The sensei gently explained that the weapons weren't covered in the beginner class.

Maybe I'm just the patient type. But I didn't think that three 90-minute classes were enough training to break out the wooden weapons. I wonder what he thinks he'll get to do after six classes? Maybe after eight classes, he'll show up wanting to learn how to kill people with his fingers?

Despite being interesting characters, everyone in the class is cool... which I have to say, because at some point, I'm going to be sparring with these guys. I'd hate to start a sparring match by hearing, "So, Eugene, I read what you wrote about me on your blog..."