An Open Letter to MySpace Spammers
Dear MySpace Spammers,
Hi.
You don't know me. My name is Eugene. You don't know who I am, yet you keep sending me so-called Friend Requests from names like Savannah, Destiny, Cheyenne, and Misty. Your profile pics are all hoochie pics. Your hundreds of friends are all male. You clearly only want to be friends so you can send me spam messages to get me to give you my credit card information.
And know what? I'm not mad.
It makes me laugh to see that "Chastity, 20 years-old, likes to party" wants to be my friend. I smirk when I think of how cold Chastity must be not wearing any clothes in her profile pic. In a twisted way, I even like to imagine Chastity sitting by her PC, clicking refresh on her MySpace home page, lamenting aloud through her tears, "Why doesn't Eugene want to be my friend?!?!?"
I get it MySpace Spammers. You want to make money and you see me as a mark. Fine. As long as you're that transparent and easy to spot, and as long as MySpace does such a poor job of blocking spammers, I'll just learn to live with you.
But frankly, your attempts at spam have gotten worse. The last few weeks, I've gotten a ton of bland spammer Friend Requests. The profiles are set to Private so I can't see them, so I can't laugh at them.
And then you sent me one that was obviously targeted for gay males. Do I look like a gay male? Don't answer that. I don't want to know. But my profile is public and it clearly states that I'm straight. Unless you see some ambiguity in my orientation, in which case, again, I don't want to know.
The latest craze in spammer Friend Requests? The women who brag about having a little child, to make them look more hot-to-trot? C'mon! The women in those pictures clearly did not just have children. And most of them still have their page set to, "I don't want kids" - which is prominently displayed next to pics of their kid.
I even got sent one Friend Request where the woman holding the baby was clearly NOT the same woman in the hoochie pic.
Frankly, and I'm only saying this because I love you spammers so much, I'm shocked by the lowering standards of quality that you spammers are employing. What happened to your spammer pride? It's obvious that your heart isn't in it anymore.
If you want to quit sending out spam, then just do it and quit. But don't just go through the motions. It demeans both of us and I value our spammer/spammee relationship too much to watch it degenerate like this.
Write back soon.
love always,
Eugene
Hi.
You don't know me. My name is Eugene. You don't know who I am, yet you keep sending me so-called Friend Requests from names like Savannah, Destiny, Cheyenne, and Misty. Your profile pics are all hoochie pics. Your hundreds of friends are all male. You clearly only want to be friends so you can send me spam messages to get me to give you my credit card information.
And know what? I'm not mad.
It makes me laugh to see that "Chastity, 20 years-old, likes to party" wants to be my friend. I smirk when I think of how cold Chastity must be not wearing any clothes in her profile pic. In a twisted way, I even like to imagine Chastity sitting by her PC, clicking refresh on her MySpace home page, lamenting aloud through her tears, "Why doesn't Eugene want to be my friend?!?!?"
I get it MySpace Spammers. You want to make money and you see me as a mark. Fine. As long as you're that transparent and easy to spot, and as long as MySpace does such a poor job of blocking spammers, I'll just learn to live with you.
But frankly, your attempts at spam have gotten worse. The last few weeks, I've gotten a ton of bland spammer Friend Requests. The profiles are set to Private so I can't see them, so I can't laugh at them.
And then you sent me one that was obviously targeted for gay males. Do I look like a gay male? Don't answer that. I don't want to know. But my profile is public and it clearly states that I'm straight. Unless you see some ambiguity in my orientation, in which case, again, I don't want to know.
The latest craze in spammer Friend Requests? The women who brag about having a little child, to make them look more hot-to-trot? C'mon! The women in those pictures clearly did not just have children. And most of them still have their page set to, "I don't want kids" - which is prominently displayed next to pics of their kid.
I even got sent one Friend Request where the woman holding the baby was clearly NOT the same woman in the hoochie pic.
Frankly, and I'm only saying this because I love you spammers so much, I'm shocked by the lowering standards of quality that you spammers are employing. What happened to your spammer pride? It's obvious that your heart isn't in it anymore.
If you want to quit sending out spam, then just do it and quit. But don't just go through the motions. It demeans both of us and I value our spammer/spammee relationship too much to watch it degenerate like this.
Write back soon.
love always,
Eugene
posted by Eugene at 2:23 PM
1 Comments:
very funny and very well done...I needed a laugh
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