Does this Schwinn come in an SUV?
Got a Toys R Us gift catalog today. Since I convinced myself this is research, I took some time to flip through it - only rarely shouting out loud, "I WANT THAT!"
Until I saw the 16" Boys' version of this monstrosity-
Are you KIDDING me? Assuming that this isn't some elaborate joke, the jokes write themselves. "The kids bike Hummer is just like a real Hummer..."
...It's so energy efficient, the kid pedals for hours to move a couple inches.
...If it accidentally makes contact with a pedestrian, the pedestrian will be flung 50 feet and die instantly.
...It gets made fun of by the kids riding the short yellow school bus.
...It has a spot in the back for its irony-free "Support our Troops" sticker.
...It makes Al Gore cry.
Look parents. Let your kids be kids. Get them kids stuff. Grown-up stuff for the grown-ups, kids stuff for the kids.
This means no in-dash iPod kits for your kids' Barbie plastic ride-on jeep. No thong underwear for toddlers. No $200 Air Jordans for baby's first day at Day Care. No manicures for kids who still chew their fingernails off.
No kid is hoping for a Hummer bike. Get them a Huffy, or a Schwinn, or if they're really good a Mongoose. Or - heaven forbid - give them a used second-hand bike.
But no Volvos, no Honda Odysseys, no Priusseses. And no Hummers.
Until I saw the 16" Boys' version of this monstrosity-
Are you KIDDING me? Assuming that this isn't some elaborate joke, the jokes write themselves. "The kids bike Hummer is just like a real Hummer..."
...It's so energy efficient, the kid pedals for hours to move a couple inches.
...If it accidentally makes contact with a pedestrian, the pedestrian will be flung 50 feet and die instantly.
...It gets made fun of by the kids riding the short yellow school bus.
...It has a spot in the back for its irony-free "Support our Troops" sticker.
...It makes Al Gore cry.
Look parents. Let your kids be kids. Get them kids stuff. Grown-up stuff for the grown-ups, kids stuff for the kids.
This means no in-dash iPod kits for your kids' Barbie plastic ride-on jeep. No thong underwear for toddlers. No $200 Air Jordans for baby's first day at Day Care. No manicures for kids who still chew their fingernails off.
No kid is hoping for a Hummer bike. Get them a Huffy, or a Schwinn, or if they're really good a Mongoose. Or - heaven forbid - give them a used second-hand bike.
But no Volvos, no Honda Odysseys, no Priusseses. And no Hummers.
posted by Eugene at 9:15 PM
2 Comments:
Slogan pitches:
"Junior's first hummer!"
"Every growing boy dreams of getting a hummer!"
"Lil' hummer--Just like Dad's!"
"Ride a hummer: All the cool kids are doing it!"
You know what they say about SUV's and penis size. Why would you do this to your kid? :)
G
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