The College Story

So I popped open the latest issue of my college alumni magazine. At the end of it, they ask for stories about the college experience that they could publish in the magazine. Which got me thinking about what story I would send into the alumni magazine.

Of course, I'm not going to send in a story. First off, the payment per word is equal to zero. The only payment would the bragging rights knowing that all the alumni are reading my words.

Pass.

Plus, there's the bigger reason why I won't submit my stories to the alumni magazine. Because they're all horribly inappropriate. I mean, I wasn't a bad kid in college - but for some reason, the best stories all involve something embarrassing or sexual (most cases, BOTH embarrassing and sexual). Or in the case of underage drinking, mildly illegal.

So I can't tell the story about how I was the one freshman who didn't drink alcohol and yet somehow managed to score Finals week beer for everyone. I can't tell the story about being trapped in a toilet stall with a talkative girl. I can't tell the story about the worst "Truth or Dare" game ever.

But there's one story. Too risque for an alumni magazine - but probably okay for my blog. So here it is.


Welcome week - sophomore year. Me and my friends have moved into our dorm rooms. It's our second year, we're excited to be away from home again and we're ready to do whatever it is 19 year-old college boys do.

We're hanging out in G & R's room - which faces another dormitory. As we're chatting, we look out the big dorm window and see into the other big dorm window. Not looking intentionally, but you just can't help it - they face each other. There's a Chinese girl moving into her dorm room. We notice her, but we're not leering or anything. Then her roommate walked in - tall, curly brown hair, glasses, very attractive. Someone noticed and pointed her out. We respectfully admired her in the way that 19 year-old college guys do. Even the gay guy noted that she was very pretty. Then we forgot about it and just continued on with our lives.

The next evening, we're hanging out in my room when we hear this squeal from G & R's room. Then an embarrassed R saying, "Oh noooo!" We think something is wrong and a bunch of us rush in there.

The blinds are open, as are the blinds in the girls' room across the way. The tall attractive girl is standing in front of her open window, wearing nothing but a bra and towel, chatting obliviously with her roommate. And since it's at night and their room lights are on, we have a huge clear view.

Now we're guys, but we're gentlemen. We all say some version of, "Oh @#$#!" This isn't good! What do we do? Don't look! So we all turn away and look at the floor, the ceiling, the wall. But now it's OBVIOUS that we're not looking. Someone shut the blinds! No! Then it'll be OBVIOUS that we saw! Someone turn off the lights? No! Then they'll notice the lights and we'll be caught.

So we quickly filed out of the room as inconspicuously and as quickly as we could. Later when she was dressed and we'd closed the blinds, we chuckled at the incident. She was the one that would've been embarrassed if she'd known that a room full of guys were across the way. As it was, she was blissfully unaware - and WE were the embarrassed ones.


A day later, we went to have dinner with some friends who'd moved into a dorm across campus. Like so far across campus, we had to take the shuttle bus to get there. And so there we are, at the dining hall, a bunch of guys all hanging out, laughing, talking loudly, catching up with our friends.

When SHE sat down at the table next to us.

We all froze. What were the odds that the exact same girl that we had just seen half-naked would sit down next to us at this dining hall miles away? We were all afraid to look up. We continued our dinner, eating quietly and terrified that we'd accidentally make eye contact with her.

Then she got up from her meal, so maybe we were off the hook.

Yeah, right. She walked over to our table and INTRODUCED HERSELF TO US. While we sat there dumbfounded, our faces turning dark red, she said that she'd recognized us from around her dorm and wanted to say hi. So we muttered introductions, shook hands, and exchanged hellos. After chatting with us for a few minutes, she left. Probably thinking that we were a bunch of weirdos.

There's a scene in one of my favorite movies, Radio Days, where the kids realize that their new teacher is the woman they saw undressed. And the kid deadpans, "Oh God, we're all going straight to hell."

Over the course of the school year, we became friends with the half-naked girl. She was, as you'd figure, very intelligent, sweet, and a lot of fun to hang out with. The next year, she ended up seriously dating another one of our friends. At which point, I think G & R confessed to her about what we'd seen that first week of school. She had a good laugh about it and was glad we were all friends now.


So why is this one of my favorite stories from college? I suppose because it highlights the three things I loved most, and the three things I miss most, about college.

The GUYS. The only time in my life that I've had so many of my best friends living with me. Enough great memories to fill a thousand blogs.

The GIRLS. The only time in my life where there were literally HUNDREDS of attractive, intelligent women in daily close proximity.

The EDUCATION. It's fun to learn, it's fun to gain knowledge. But because of the events of this story, I now know that knowledge is power, but knowledge can also be a curse.

Especially if it's the knowledge of what a friend looks like naked.