The Tennis Ball

Kings Tennis Ball
Originally uploaded by eugeneson

You may ask yourself - why is Eugene blogging about a tennis ball? Good question. Here's the long-winded and boring answer.

Saturday night, my friend Rick got tickets to the Kings game in the Premiere section in Staples Center. So instead of my usual seats back in the upper bowl, we were in the luxury box seats.

These are some corporation's corporate tax write-off seats - so they're NICE. Exclusive parking rights, exclusive entrance into the arena that other people can't use, exclusive restaurants and dessert carts, in-seat food and drink service, free stuff when you walk in, etc. The tickets, where it's supposed to list the face value of the seats, just say VIP.

So as I'm sitting there wondering if I should have the waiters bring me the assorted sushi and sashimi plate (not making this up - $10.50, didn't order it), Rick and I joke around about the in-game entertainment. The Kings have these "Kings Crew" guys and girls who entertain the crowd during television time-outs by running around and throwing free swag into the crowd - mostly t-shirts.

And the people who need a free t-shirt the least? The ones in the expensive seats? They're always the ones that get free stuff. The ones in the cheap seats? They don't get squat.

I'd be angry... if I had even the slightest desire to own a free t-shirt.

But now I'm in the expensive seats. And we're joking around that now we're gonna win one of those stupid t-shirts.

So during the first period, the Kings Crew runs out and does this promotion where they throw tennis balls with Kings players numbers on them. If you catch one with a Kings player number on it, you take it to a booth and register it - if that Kings player scores the first goal of the second period, you win a prize pack.

And lo and behold, the Kings Crew guy starts throwing around tennis balls. And we're watching him, cracking jokes about how he throws like a girl. Then he turns around and Rick notes, "You know, one might actually make it over here."

And with that , the guy THROWS the ball into the section next to us. A bunch of guys jump up to grab the tennis ball - and DOINK! It bounces off their fingers into our section, where I one-handed SWIPE the ball out of the air.

Now a few thoughts cross my mind as I'm holding the thing.

-I couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it. After all these years of going to Kings games - I'm guessing maybe 80+ games over my lifetime - I finally win something... and it's a freaking TENNIS BALL. And I don't even get to keep it. I have to turn it in for a chance to win a prize pack.

-I always thought that if I ever caught something in a game, I would be one of those magnanimous guys who would flip the thing to a kid. After all, I'm a grown adult (supposedly). A little kid would appreciate this more. And yet for some reason, as soon as it came into my hand, I became INCREDIBLY GREEDY. All these competitive urges kicked in and I didn't want NOBODY to get near my ball. It was MINE. MINE MINE MINE.

-I suddenly had this weird vision of that guy who caught the Barry Bonds home run ball, then got pummelled by all the fans around him trying to get the ball away from him. And suddenly I had this irrational fear that someone would jump me for my tennis ball. This may have been tied into the above mentioned competitive/greed thing.

-I thought of that guy who caught the Mark McGuire home run ball, and then when he was asked what it was like to catch it, he described it as, "a huge rush of estrogen." I love that quote. I wonder what it's like. Not to get a rush of estrogen. I wonder what it's like to go on the national media and tell EVERYONE you had a huge rush of estrogen? Thankfully, I'll never know. Wonder which one of his friends told him about his mistake.

-And all those hours spent throwing a tennis ball around with my kids? It FINALLY pays off.

So after the first period, I took the tennis ball to turn it in. I had gotten #12 - Patrick O'Sullivan - who played a great game. Alas, he didn't score a goal in the next period, so I didn't in the prize. In fact, no Kings scored for the rest of the game and the Kings got pummelled.

But I did get a consolation prize. Because when I turned in the tennis ball, I was given (wait for it... wait for it...)-

A $5 coupon off Farmer John meat products.

Oh yes.

The Kings lost, but I went home happy. Cause I may be a Kings fan, but I'm a bigger fan of meat.

Go Meat Go.