Where's my Parade?
My ice hockey team made the playoffs. And we take the playoffs very seriously, considering the high stakes of being in the lowest beginner division at an ice rink in the San Fernando Valley.
VERY. SERIOUSLY.
We won the semi-final playoff game on Saturday night, then won game one of the finals on Sunday night.
Early in that game, I got the puck on the left wing, one-on-one against a defense(wo)man on their team. I faked left, then cut to the middle, cranked up a huge slapshot, and BOOM - but she managed to block the shot. She got up shaking her wrist so I thought I'd gotten her in the hand.
After the game, I skated over and apologized and asked if she was okay. She laughed and said, "Thanks, now my b**bs hurt." Apparently, my shot hadn't gotten her in the hand - it'd gotten her in the chest right under the shoulder pads.
Now I mentioned this to a girl who plays on our team. She shuddered and said that taking a hit there is extremely painful and uncomfortable.
Wow. Learn something new everyday. So now I know if I'm ever being attacked by a woman, the best way to defend myself is to lash out like a maladjusted thirteen year-old boy. Gotcha.
Oh yeah, and my hockey team won the league championship Monday night, 6-3. But like I'm really going to blog about that?
VERY. SERIOUSLY.
We won the semi-final playoff game on Saturday night, then won game one of the finals on Sunday night.
Early in that game, I got the puck on the left wing, one-on-one against a defense(wo)man on their team. I faked left, then cut to the middle, cranked up a huge slapshot, and BOOM - but she managed to block the shot. She got up shaking her wrist so I thought I'd gotten her in the hand.
After the game, I skated over and apologized and asked if she was okay. She laughed and said, "Thanks, now my b**bs hurt." Apparently, my shot hadn't gotten her in the hand - it'd gotten her in the chest right under the shoulder pads.
Now I mentioned this to a girl who plays on our team. She shuddered and said that taking a hit there is extremely painful and uncomfortable.
Wow. Learn something new everyday. So now I know if I'm ever being attacked by a woman, the best way to defend myself is to lash out like a maladjusted thirteen year-old boy. Gotcha.
Oh yeah, and my hockey team won the league championship Monday night, 6-3. But like I'm really going to blog about that?
posted by Eugene at 2:29 PM
3 Comments:
Oh come on now you can blog about your championship win. We lost in our playoffs and I blogged about that.
Way to hit a girl Eugene.
Nice job, boob assassin.
Seriously, we used to have these big paintball tournaments with animation studios against each other. You have people sneaking through the trees and it is awful when you accidentally shoot a paintball into the shrubs and hear a yowl and "Ow, my boob!" damn it...
Thing is, they have these 3/8 plastic bra inserts to protect the breasts from beasts like you. The paintball girls all got them and named them Niplar vests.
H.
Way to hit a girl Eugene.
I didn't hit her. I merely fired a frozen piece of galvanized rubber into her at 50-60mph.
Come to think of it, that's much worse.
Nice job, boob assassin.
I think I'm putting that on my business cards.
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