At least my teeth are clean...
Sigh. Long boring story involving insurance companies, but the end result - I had to go to a new dentist. So I went to a dentist on my new plan today for a cleaning.
First off, Doctor Stabby McStab D.D.S. was thirty minutes late. Second, the offices were cold - they felt like the inside of an old Soviet military hospital. No color anywhere, no colorful pictures - just a stale white everywhere.
Then they made me retake my x-rays even though I had x-rays from my last visit IN MY HAND. They gave me some story about how the pictures weren't good enough quality for them to be able to use. Because apparently the aperture on my old x-rays was ALL WRONG, the composition was a mess, and sharpening the layers in Photoshop would take too long. Thankfully, the John Toll of dental technicians came along and saved the day.
A more cynical man would think that they retook the x-rays because it's easy money from the insurance company. But shame on you if you thought that. Their dedication to dental x-rays beautiful enough to frame and mount on the wall should be applauded.
Next came, Stabby McStab introduces himself and does his check to see if my gums were receding. How does he do that? By stabbing me repeatedly over and over again with some pointy thing, then telling me that this is proof that "bugs" (his words, not mine) were sneaking into my gums. I'm not mocking the seriousness of gum issues, but if you believe the literature they gave me, my gums are apparently going to cause me to die immediately.
Oh - meanwhile, the television set in the dentist's office? It's set to some A&E program about Cold Cases - while I'm getting scraped, I get to hear Bill Curtis' robust voice explaining, "The police couldn't find the woman's body... until the police near the cattle field made a grisly, disturbing discovery."
Then we have this conversation-
Stabby McStab: You have a filling on your back molar here.
Me: Yeah. It's old.
Stabby McStab: It's cracked.
Me: Doesn't surprise me. It's old.
Stabby McStab: You're probably going to want to get that- HEY, have you considered teeth whitening?
Me: Wait, what?
Stabby McStab: Teeth whitening! It's the latest thing. Let me show you!
Me: What about my cracked fill-
Stabby McStab: Let me show you the pictures. They're amazing!
And then finally, after the assistant cleans my teeth, I get the water to spit... and there's NO SINK to spit into. I basically get a vacuum hose that I get to spit into, and the vacuum sucks my spit away.
The co-pay at the end felt less like a co-pay and more like a bribery to get me out of that office. Take my money and let me out of here. Now I know how Victor Lazlo felt getting the papers of transit at the end of Casablanca. "Get me the @#$# out of this Godforsaken place!"
So there it is. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go move heaven and earth to get my old dentist back.
First off, Doctor Stabby McStab D.D.S. was thirty minutes late. Second, the offices were cold - they felt like the inside of an old Soviet military hospital. No color anywhere, no colorful pictures - just a stale white everywhere.
Then they made me retake my x-rays even though I had x-rays from my last visit IN MY HAND. They gave me some story about how the pictures weren't good enough quality for them to be able to use. Because apparently the aperture on my old x-rays was ALL WRONG, the composition was a mess, and sharpening the layers in Photoshop would take too long. Thankfully, the John Toll of dental technicians came along and saved the day.
A more cynical man would think that they retook the x-rays because it's easy money from the insurance company. But shame on you if you thought that. Their dedication to dental x-rays beautiful enough to frame and mount on the wall should be applauded.
Next came, Stabby McStab introduces himself and does his check to see if my gums were receding. How does he do that? By stabbing me repeatedly over and over again with some pointy thing, then telling me that this is proof that "bugs" (his words, not mine) were sneaking into my gums. I'm not mocking the seriousness of gum issues, but if you believe the literature they gave me, my gums are apparently going to cause me to die immediately.
Oh - meanwhile, the television set in the dentist's office? It's set to some A&E program about Cold Cases - while I'm getting scraped, I get to hear Bill Curtis' robust voice explaining, "The police couldn't find the woman's body... until the police near the cattle field made a grisly, disturbing discovery."
Then we have this conversation-
Stabby McStab: You have a filling on your back molar here.
Me: Yeah. It's old.
Stabby McStab: It's cracked.
Me: Doesn't surprise me. It's old.
Stabby McStab: You're probably going to want to get that- HEY, have you considered teeth whitening?
Me: Wait, what?
Stabby McStab: Teeth whitening! It's the latest thing. Let me show you!
Me: What about my cracked fill-
Stabby McStab: Let me show you the pictures. They're amazing!
And then finally, after the assistant cleans my teeth, I get the water to spit... and there's NO SINK to spit into. I basically get a vacuum hose that I get to spit into, and the vacuum sucks my spit away.
The co-pay at the end felt less like a co-pay and more like a bribery to get me out of that office. Take my money and let me out of here. Now I know how Victor Lazlo felt getting the papers of transit at the end of Casablanca. "Get me the @#$# out of this Godforsaken place!"
So there it is. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go move heaven and earth to get my old dentist back.
posted by Eugene at 11:39 PM
2 Comments:
You are not making me eager to partake in 839's dental coverage....
Exact opposite. The Motion Picture Plan was great. But I fell out of coverage, so I had to switch... thus the switch to the evil dentist.
I should be back on the old plan in the next few months.
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