Al Qaeda Recruiting Tool

Almost forgot this. I'm pretty sure this is happening right now as we speak.

EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD - DAY

An Al Qaeda RECRUITER talks to an AVERAGE JOE.

                    AVERAGE JOE
          No thanks.  I don't want to join Al
          Qaeda.

                    RECRUITER
          Don't you hate America?

                    AVERAGE JOE
          Not really.  America's never done
          anything to me.  I'm interested in
          earning some money, dating some hot
          chicks, and maybe leveling up my
          World of Warcraft character.

                    RECRUITER
          You don't hate America?  Not even a
          little?

                    AVERAGE JOE
          Not really.

Pause.

                    RECRUITER
          Did you hear that some Americans
          went to In-N-Out Burger and ordered
          a burger with 100 patties and 100
          pieces of cheese?

                    AVERAGE JOE
          They... did?

                    RECRUITER
          And they ate the whole thing.  Just
          because they could.

                    AVERAGE JOE
               (grabbing rifle)
          DEATH TO AMERICA!

Seriously - no wonder everyone in the world hates us. After reading about people doing stuff like that, I hate us, too.

p.s. Found the link and other bloggy goodness on Mark Evanier's blog.

UPDATE: 2/3/06 - My follow-up thoughts.

I Got Nothing

Apologies for the lack of updates. It's not that I don't want to blog, it's just that I don't have anything worthwhile to blog about. I suppose I could blog about my favorite hockey team, the Los Angeles Kings, and how well they're doing and how happy I am to be a Season Ticket holder paying for the privilege to watch such high quality winning hockey.

Like I said, I got nothing.

So a few quick thoughts.

-It looks like I'm heading up to the Bay Area to attend Wonder Con in February. I've never been before - sounds like fun.

-Congrats to Tom & Jen on their new baby.

-Congrats to Dan & Leah on their new baby.

-Congrats to any other of my friends who've had babies lately. It just seems like everybody's having a baby and I somehow didn't get the memo (thank goodness).

-This Saturday night's episode of Duel Masters 2.0 is titled, Babytalk. I didn't write it, but I did some punch-up work on some of the jokes. 7 P.M. on Cartoon Network.

Ok - that's it. Back to whatever it is that I do.

Tivo TMNT!

Now that the word is out online, I can tell you that I wrote a pair of fourth season episodes of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series.

My first episode, Scion of the Shredder airs next Saturday, February 4th at 10:30am on 4Kids TV - which is usually Fox. Here in Los Angeles, it'll be on Fox Channel 11.

In my episode, the four Ninja Turtles visit the Dr. Phil show and get in touch with their feminine-nurturing side... Okay, well, I admit it, that's not what happens. But WHAT IF, huh? Man, I should be in charge of my own network. I could program cool stuff like Dr. Phil vs the Ninja Turtles - then watch as Western Civilization crumbles.

So if you're feeling good, please set your Tivo to record my episode. If you're feeling down, Tivo Dr. Phil while you're at it.

The Best Worst Hockey Seats Ever

My usual seats at Kings games are in the upper level cheap seats - Section 315. They're way up there - I can't see the players names clearly and they can't hear the things that get yelled at them. But they're good and cheap and I can see every play clearly.

Last night, my friend got amazing tickets in the lower bowl, so we got to sit in Section 102 - 2nd row, one row back from the glass, next to the Kings bench. Amazingly close. When we sat down, we were LITERALLY next to the Kings bench.

A pane of glass divided us, but I was sitting next to backup goaltender Jason Labarbera. If it wasn't for the security guard, I could've reached over and asked for a drink from one of the water bottles. We were close enough that I could check out the types of sticks and skates that the players were using. And the players look so much bigger and faster when they're right in front of you. When there's a check, you can hear it and feel the vibrations on the boards. And when George Parros dropped the gloves with Todd Fedoruk, we could see the impact marks on their faces where they'd been hit.

I've been an NHL addict for almost twenty years - I had no idea that the Kings hockey pants all have the NHL logo sewn on their butts. They reminded me of G.I.Joe figures with their Hasbro logos stamped on their posteriors.

At one point, my friend realized that former Kings owner Bruce McNall was sitting three rows behind us. Do you think McNall was curious what we were doing sitting that close to the ice? Maybe he was thinking, "HEY - I USED TO OWN THE TEAM. WHAT DO I GOTTA DO TO SIT DOWN WHERE EUGENE IS SITTING?!?!"

Surprisingly, sitting that close had a big downside. We couldn't see very much on the other end of the rink, because the Kings bench was in our way. When the action got exciting, players would lean forward to get a better view and we could see even less. Jason Labarbera would stand up to watch and he'd end up completely blocking our view. Someone next to us actually said aloud, "Would it be rude to ask the goalie to sit down so we could see what's going on?" It became absurd that I was sitting in really expensive seats... but had to watch the scoreboard tv screen to see what was going on.

Anyways, it was a great game and a nice experience to be that close. But I can't wait to get back to the cheap seats with my fellow filthy, unshaven, poor drunks.

Or as I like to call them, my peeps.

This and That

A few updates from the past few days-

-Had lunch last week with my animation writer buddies Charlotte Fullerton and Nicole Dubuc. What is it about Spicy Tuna Roll that it has such power over me? Some day, someone is going to harness the pure raw seductive power of Spicy Tuna Roll... and the world will be DOOMED.

-The third season of Duel Masters - now titled Duel Masters 2.0 - starts up this Saturday night on Cartoon Network. If you're a Duel Masters fan (and really, WHO ISN'T?) - the third season will start awkwardly, but picks up momentum and becomes really good by the third episode. The cast gets into it and great writers like Seth Walter carry the show. It'll be fun.

-LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUC.

-Musician Wilson Pickett died last week. I'm too young to have grown up with his music, but I discovered his music after watching The Commitments.

Some day I'll blog about how much that movie and Wilson Pickett's music inspired me. He truly was a man and a half. Rest in peace Mr. Pickett.

-John Rogers mentioned the BBC production of Charles Dickens' Bleak House last month. The first two hours aired on PBS last night - and it was AWESOME. Just on a pure geek level alone, it stars Scully from X-Files, Wedge from Star Wars, and Vernon Dursley from the Harry Potter movies. Using the recent SNL formula made popular on the internet-

X-Files + Star Wars + Harry Potter = CRAZY DELICIOUS

-If Showtime comes through for me, I'm going to happily fork over my money to them.

Alpha Teens On Machines (A.T.O.M.)

http://tv.disney.go.com/jetix/atom/

Alpha Teens On Machines (A.T.O.M.) is coming to Jetix - on January 30th on Toon Disney, then on February 4th on ABC Family. The toys and television show have been airing in Europe and Asia for the past few months, and now they're coming to America. The official blurb:

Axel, Hawk, Shark, King and Lioness are the Alpha Teens on Machines, a group of crime fighting teens equipped with the latest vehicles and weapons. Their mission: to protect Landmark City from the evil crime boss, Alexander Paine and his band of criminal pals.

The head writers on A.T.O.M. were Tom Pugsley and Greg Klein - who've done amazing work on shows like Men in Black, Jackie Chan Adventures, and on the new Ben 10. Other writers on the first season included Rob (Teen Titans) Hoegee, Kevin (Darkwing Duck, Justice League) Hopps, Marty (Batman: The Animated Series, Danny Phantom) Isenberg, Steven (He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, The Batman) Melching, and Baz (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) Hawkins.

My first season episode is "Spydah, Spiders Everywhere" - I'll remind you to set your Tivos when it airs in a few months.

In the meantime, if anyone is looking for me, I'll be parked in front of the Toys R Us waiting for the A.T.O.M. toys. I'm dying to get my hands on Axel, Spydah, and a Lambojet...

January 2006 Music Diary

Welcome to all the people visiting the blog for the first time.

So this is what iTunes tells me that I'm listening to most this month. Not necessarily new music - just what I'm listening to. Very Indie 103-ish this month.

Boston - Augustana
In The Sun - Coldplay (with Michael Stipe)
Nightswimmiing - Coldplay (with Michael Stipe)
Awful - Hole
Nth Degree - Morningwood
The Comeback - Shout Out Louds
Sometimes the Sun - The Lashes
I Want to Be Buried In Your Backyard - Nightmare of You
Sooner or Later - Michael Tolcher
Bring on the Dancing Horses - Echo & The Bunnymen
Hippychick - Soho

Mighty Gargoyles of Anaheim

This had me rolling. If you haven't heard, the Anaheim Angels baseball team renamed themselves the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - so now the team is being sued by the city of Anaheim. All fine and dandy and not very interesting - except for this fun little tidbit that came out in court last week. Apparently after the Walt Disney company bought the Angels from the Gene Autry family, they considered a name change.

From the L.A. Times (1/14/06)-

[Angel co-counsel] showed an internal Disney document that included 41 "name suggestions" for the team, including... Anaheim Gargoyles.

The ANAHEIM GARGOYLES? Do you fathom how hysterical this is? This is empirical evidence showing that Disney was considering renaming a major league baseball team after the (excellent) animated series created by Greg Weisman.

And don't think Disney wouldn't have done it. Everyone knows that when Disney got a chance to name a professional hockey team, they named them the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. While the stupid name made them a laughing stock, no one was laughing when they got within ONE GAME of winning the Stanley Cup. If they'd won, the words "MIGHTY DUCKS" would be carved onto the oldest trophy in professional sports.

If Disney had no shame in naming a hockey team after an awful name like Mighty Ducks? What would have stopped them from renaming a baseball team after a great name like Gargoyles? The Angels won a world series championship a few years back. That could've been the Gargoyles world series champs. How would history be different if the Anaheim Angels would've been renamed the Anaheim Gargoyles?



First off, Edison Field in Anaheim would have become the scariest, most gothic baseball park in the world. Stone gargoyles on every ledge, a big creepy Phantom-of-the-Opera-like pipe organ, dry ice fog machines. Imagine that haunting bellowing Gargoyles theme song played on an enormous organ before every game? Talk about a home field advantage - other teams would be intimidated to step inside that place.

And the Gargoyles would have the best mascot in the world. Imagine a 7 foot tall Goliath walking around and entertaining the kids? Visiting the sick kids in the hospital? And Gargoyles baseball caps? Getting yourself a form fitted Gargoyles baseball cap?

And if there's a God in heaven... GARGOYLES BOBBLE-HEADS!

Someday I hope to create an animated television show. I can only hope that what I create is as cool as Gargoyles. And I can only pray that my show ends up on the L.A. Times Sports Page as a piece of evidence in a lawsuit between the city of Anaheim and a professional sports team.

Teen Titans

I hate saying goodbye to tv shows I like. I suppose it's the nature of television that our favorite shows go away before we're ready.



After five years, Teen Titans is coming to an end - and I can't say enough glowing things about the show.

How big was Teen Titans? Even people who don't know the first thing about comics or cartoons know who they are. A few years ago, I helped a friend recover all her tunes off her iPod - one of the prized mp3s off her iPod was the extended version of Puffy Ami Yumi's Teen Titans theme song.

When I was a kid, Robin was really unpopular. He was just a dorky sidekick in stupid bright clothes. No one on the playground wanted to pretend to be Robin - everyone wanted to be Batman. DC Comics had a sales stunt called "Death in the Family" where the Joker blew up a building with Robin inside - and DC invited comics fans to call a 1-900 to vote for whether Robin lived or died. It wasn't even close - the fans spoke and Robin was killed. But now because of the Teen Titans? ROBIN IS COOL. Kids WANT to be Robin. How WILD is that?

Want further proof of how big Titans is? Look around the internet for Wil Wheaton. The guy is no longer USENET's alt.Wesley.Crusher.die.die.die anymore. He's Aqualad. AQUALAD! His Titans East character is bigger than his Star Trek character. Gene Roddenberry has been OWNED by Murakami, Slack, and company.



The last new episode ever airs this Monday night at 4 p.m. on Cartoon Network. It's titled "Things Change" and it's written by the uber-talented and uber-cool Amy Wolfram. This is the official blurb-

"After months of fighting the Brotherhood of Evil around the globe, the Teen Titans are finally back home. But a walk through the city reveals that things are no longer as they remembered. And while Beast Boy wants everything to be just like it was in the past, he has to face the fact that in life things change."

So congrats and thanks to the cast and crew of Teen Titans. You've raised the bar for all of us.

New on Cartoon Network - Ben 10

Time for Eugene to plug a great new show - Ben 10.



It's official premiere is this Friday night at 9 p.m. on Cartoon Network, before it goes to its regular time slot starting this Saturday at 10 a.m.. I've seen the pilot and I can tell you that the show is terrific. It was written by Tom (Men In Black, Jackie Chan Adventures, Teen Titans) Pugsley.

Ben 10 Trivia/Easter Egg for you. In the pilot episode, "And Then There Were 10", these are the two school bullies-



The bully on the left is modeled after Cartoon Network producer/executive Sam Register - note the cash register on his shirt. The bully on the right with the glasses is Cartoon Network producer/executive Tramm Wigzell.

I haven't worked with Sam yet, but I've worked with Tramm - who is a great guy to work with. And I can assure you that he does not beat people up and take their lunch money... except on special occasions.

Let's Do Lunch

I'm still in a New Year's daze - haven't gotten around to doing anything worthwhile creatively. So I've been filling the time with lunches.

Thursday, I had lunch with Kevin Hopps. We were both writers on a show that will be airing soon (which I will get around to blogging about soon). I had a turkey panini sandwich.

Friday, I had lunch with a group of writers from the WriterAction message board. WriterAction is a message board for WGA members - not run by the Writer's Guild, but only open to Writer's Guild members. Always fun to hang out with fellow writers, including my friends Eric Heisserer and Scott Murphy. I had a sky-high roast beef, pastrami, and turkey sandwich.

Saturday, I had lunch by myself. Hey - they can't all be interesting. I had leftovers.

Sunday, I had lunch with a group of writers from the WGA Asian American Writers Committee. The committee is such a cool group. It's less a committee about promoting Asian-American diversity in film and television... and more an excuse to get together at EAT. Met up with Pang-Ni Landrum, Monica Macer, and Northrop Davis and had Korean food. I had the kimbap - not a sandwich. Jared from Subway would so not approve.

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to keep up this hectic lunch schedule. Not that I don't like hanging out and chatting with my friends. It's just that after all this food, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to get out the front door of my house.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love New Year's

Hope everyone had a great New Year's. On New Year's Day, I headed out to the Beverly Center and had a nice brunch with Joelle Sellner and her husband, Ira. Traded war stories from the animation writer trenches.

For New Year's Eve, I spent my night doing what all serious hard core party-goers do... I stayed at home and played video games. Halo, Baldur's Gate 2, NHL 2K6, and then went REALLY crazy and played some Tiger Woods Golf.

Hey - cut me some slack - it was RAINING. There was WATER falling from the sky in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. Forget going out. When the wet stuff is coming downwards like that? I'm staying inside and locking the doors and praying for my soul.

So I entered 2006 just like I entered 2005 - I blew up some aliens, hacked some trolls, won a hockey championship, shot a 3 under par, and hoped for the best. Same old same old.

Awful Awful NHL "Third Jerseys"

A few years back, some sports marketing genius realized that people often have more money than brains. If only there was some way to get these people with all this excess money to give their money away on stupid things?

Enter the third jersey.

NHL teams started making their players wear these "third" jerseys - with an unusual or striking design. Presumably, some fans would love these different and innovative jerseys and buy them. My favorite team - the Los Angeles Kings - was one of the first teams to have this third jersey. They soon unleashed a horrible jersey that has forever been dubbed the "Burger King" jersey and was quickly gotten rid of. Now let us never speak of it again.

Instead, let us talk about teams that still have ugly third jerseys. Behold, I give you my list of the top five worst third jerseys in the NHL.


#5 - Nashville Predators
At first glance, this jersey doesn't seem too bad. The logo isn't awful by any means. But when you watch these jerseys on television, that ugly gold makes the players look like bad dijon mustard stains on the ice. The color on the web doesn't accurately reflect how hideous they are. And I'm not a big fan of the patches under the arms - they look like underarm sweat stains.


#4 - Boston Bruins
What the heck is with that wussy looking bear? BRUINS! Their logo is a hundred years old - a bold "B" that represents Boston. Instead, this third jersey gives us Paddington - a friendly looking bear that you want to throw peanuts at while it rides a unicycle. This bear looks so cute and cuddly, I expect it to hang out with Tigger and Rabbit at the 100-acre wood. And the razor edge stripes? Very classy.


#3 - Minnesota Wild
Look at these colors. Doesn't this look like a bad sweater you'd get from that crazy relative on Christmas? "But Aunt Whacko? This sweater itches." "Shut up, Eugene! I knitted it myself! You know how long it took to make all the reds and the greens, you ingrate!?!"


#2 - Calgary Flames
I don't know what that's supposed to be. I know it's supposed to be a horse, reflecting Calgary's rodeo and horse-riding history. But something is seriously wrong with that horse. It has FLAMES shooting out of its nostrils. It's some sort of DEVIL HORSE. Even its ears are pointed up, as if horses are somehow more intimidating with evil horns. Horses are CUTE - that's why all girls 9-12 years-old love them so much. You even don't talk to horses - you WHISPER to them.


#1 - Dallas Stars
The Flames jersey was going to be #1, but this one leaped to the top when I read what Dallas Stars fans are calling their team's third jerseys. Moo-terus. Moo-terus, because the cow's head is shaped like a woman's reproductive system. You be the judge...