So where exactly are we going?

Remember the video game Lemmings? To refresh your memory, there were a bunch of cute pixelated lemmings that would walk off into oblivion - and as you desperately tried to use your tools to keep the lemmings from cheerfully plunging to their doom, certain questions would invariably come to mind-

Why am I playing this stupid game?

Maybe there's something good on tv right now?

No, really. Why am I playing this stupid game?

Are we humans so very different from lemmings? There's a pack mentality to lemmings - and the lemmings in back have very little choice than to just follow the others and hope for the best.

On a completely unrelated note, I just made a MySpace page. Much as I didn't want to have another webpage to keep track of, too many of my buddies have them now. So for now on, I'll be mirroring blog posts here (if you're reading this on MySpace and want to read my old blog posts, you can find them all at eugeneson.com).

I told myself I'd never get a MySpace page just because everyone else does - and you can see that I lie to myself all the time. I guess at the end of the day, I'm not that much different from a lemming.

See you on the other side of the cliff.

Bizarre Clownfish Love Triangle

So my previous Clownfish story was quite popular... and frankly, the story gets weirder and weirder.

When we last left the clownfish, I'd introduced a new clownfish to keep the grieving clownfish company. The two were taking a liking to each other, but then all of a sudden, their relationship went sour. The new guy wasn't welcome near the old clownfish - so he'd taken to swimming by himself in the opposite end of the tank. I didn't see any sign of aggression from the old guy, but the new guy wouldn't go near him. Not a huge deal, except that the new guy stopped eating and wouldn't leave his lower corner of the tank.

Concerned that he might be sick or stressed, I scooped the new guy out and put him in a quarantine tank. I set up an extra 3 gallon tank and put the new clownfish in there. He spent the first day there refusing to eat and staying in a lower corner. I was beginning to suspect some sort of sickness that he might've picked up at the fish store, but the next day, he was back to his old self - swimming about and eating. I kept him in the quarantine tank for a few days to make sure he was fine - and of course he was. Heck, I started to see him as some snobby clownfish who'd weaseled his way into his own bachelor pad condo. So once I was sure he was okay, he went back into the big tank.

And so far, so good. Since re-introducing the new clownfish into the big tank, the old one has been swimming with the new guy. The final sign that things are better? The old one is letting the new guy sleep with him in his favorite upper corner of the tank.

The two guys are well on the road to happiness, right? WRONG.

Today, I swung by Petco to buy a new filter, since I'm struggling with keeping the algae from taking over the tank. So tonight, I installed the new filter and attached it to the back of the tank. This evening after I turned out all the lights, I looked around behind the tank to make sure the new filter was working right. I'd attached the filter next to the tank's overflow. Without boring you with details, the overflow is a tiny box that lets the water flow down into a water reservoir under the tank - it's about 2" x 2" wide and is maybe 1" deep with water.

Suddenly I saw it - a clownfish STUCK in my tank's overflow. I couldn't believe my eyes - somehow it must've leaped out of the tank and landed in the overflow. At first I thought it was dead, but its fins were moving. Wow, was I lucky that I'd seen him, since I never have reason to look behind the tank. I immediately reached down to turned off the pump and stop the flow of water. As I reached down, I couldn't help noticing... that my two clownfish were STILL IN MY TANK.

THE FIRST CLOWNFISH WASN'T DEAD. He'd survived over THREE WEEKS in a 2" x 2" space behind the fish tank. I managed to pour him out into a cup, where I immediately fed him and had my eyes checked. It was him! He was in poor shape - he wasn't swimming properly, probably because he'd spent three weeks swimming on his side in a tiny enclosure. It was a miracle he'd survived that long. I can only guess that he must have survived on some of the left over food that floated around. After debating whether or not to quarantine him, I put him back in the main tank. Within seconds, the three clownfish were swimming together.

Okay, let me put away my amateur ichthyologist hat away - and put on my writer hat.

CAN YOU IMAGINE what the conversation must've been like when the clownfish's original partner came BACK?!?! I imagine the phrases, "I thought you were dead!" and "Who's this, you two-timing @#$#*!?!?" would've come up. DRAMA! And now we've got a clownfish love triangle going on. Who'll be left out? Who'll get the clownfish?

Or if you're a sci-fi/horror guy, the question is... will the undead clownfish find true love?

I hope the three find happiness together. But somehow I think this will all end in tears.

Stupid Stupid Internet

Yesterday, my eugeneson.com email was up and down all day - the webhost said that they'd made some upgrades and that it should fix the problem. Today, the problem was - of course - much worse. I couldn't access my website or my email all day. It finally got fixed and it looks like my email came in fine. However, at least one person called me today to let me know their email to me bounced.

If you didn't know, the entire eugeneson.com internet presence runs on a computer server run off a hamster wheel powered by a chubby-faced hamster, "Mr. Furry Cheeks." Well, not anymore anyways. The hamster has been sacked.

So if you emailed me on Friday, my apologies if I didn't respond. Please feel free to re-send - and if you must blame anyone, blame Mr. Furry Cheeks.

Nerd, Geek, or Dork?

Found this on Burton's blog - and was unable to resist the central question it posits...

THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST

Here's what I got-

Modern, Cool Nerd 73 % Nerd, 69% Geek, 8% Dork For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd and Geek, earning you the title of: Modern, Cool Nerd. Nerds didn't use to be cool, but in the 90's that all changed. It used to be that, if you were a computer expert, you had to wear plaid or a pocket protector or suspenders or something that announced to the world that you couldn't quite fit in. Not anymore. Now, the intelligent and geeky have eked out for themselves a modicum of respect at the very least, and "geek is chic." The Modern, Cool Nerd is intelligent, knowledgable and always the person to call in a crisis (needing computer advice/an arcane bit of trivia knowledge). They are the one you want as your lifeline in Who Wants to Be a Millionaire (or the one up there, winning the million bucks)! Congratulations! THE NERD? GEEK? OR DORK? TEST My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on nerdiness You scored higher than 99% on geekosity You scored higher than 99% on dork points

Gotham Group, Lionsgate, and IDT

Quick post while I have a brief second. I know that a lot of my regulars here are Gotham clients, so in case you didn't hear about this-

Gotham, Lionsgate, IDT in Toon Deal
The lucrative family home-video market is set to get even more crowded with 19 direct-to-DVD animated features coming from the Gotham Group, Lionsgate and IDT Ent. over the next three years.

Interesting, huh? 19 animated features in three years!?! Though, as a writer/client, one always has to be wary of managers being producers. One can't help but wonder if producing duties will somehow negatively affect their...

Headed by founder/CEO Ellen Goldsmith-Vein, Gotham will cover half of the production costs for each film... while throwing work to its management clients.

Nevermind - forget I said anything. All hail Gotham Group and their 19 animated features! Woo!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go call my managers and tell them how much I love them...

Stupid Stupid Eugene

I'm swamped with work this week, so I don't foresee any updates. So did I get a lot of writing work done today? Yeah, I wish.

I ended up spending most of my day agonizing over character names. Seriously. No joke. Around 1 pm, I got to the point where I needed some character names. Around 1:02 pm, I realized that I had no idea what they were - by 1:03 pm, I was stressing out. Not only did I need GOOD names for these characters. I needed the PERFECT NAMES for these characters.

Fast forward FOUR HOURS later. I had a zillion names written down and crossed out. I poured through baby names websites. I'd gone through every website grabbing names. I went through Wikipedia. I went through magazines in the house. I moved names around. Named the guy Sean and the woman Jeri - then named the guy Jerry and the woman Shawn - then named the guy Starbuck and the woman Apollo - then named the guy MALE TBD #1 and the woman FEMALE TBD #1 - then named the guy FEMALE TBD #1 and the woman MALE TBD #1 - then made both characters killer robots named iCaramba and iCantBelieveI'mStillLooking.

The stupid thing is... Okay, of the MANY stupid things, one of the stupid things about this is that the names will probably be changed by the time I go to script, or by the time it gets rewritten, or by the time it gets recorded. But me and my stupid neurotic writer habits. The names have to be perfect. Even if they're just names of imaginary people.

I'm going to bed. If I die in my sleep and don't wake up tomorrow, I can at least face death knowing that my last few hours on earth were a COMPLETE AND UTTER WASTE...

Sisyphus... It could convey a sense of playfulness

I was just reminded of this - one of my favorite dialogue exchanges of all time. It was in the pilot of the Dilbert animated series, which was written by Larry Charles and Scott Adams-

Dilbert: (thinking of new name for product) How about Sisyphus, the guy who pushed a rock up a hill for eternity?
Pointy-haired Boss: It could convey a sense of playfulness...
Dilbert: (dumbstruck) It's supposed to convey a sense of futility!
Pointy-haired Boss: You have to look at it from the rock's point of view

So there's my inspiring tip for the day. When life gets you down, you can always look at things from the rock's point of view.

August 2006 Music Diary

Here's what iTunes tells me that I'm listening to most this month-

Crazy As She Goes - Legion of Doom (Gnarls Barkley vs Raconteurs mash-up)
Velvet Sugar - Go Home Productions (Archies vs Velvet Underground mash-up)
Crazy B**ch - Buckcherry
When You Were Young - The Killers
She Moves In Her Own Way - The Kooks
Hate Me - Blue October
Until She Comes - Psychedelic Furs
Lover, You Should've Come Over - Jeff Buckley
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road - Faultline & Keane
Metal Gear Solid Main Theme - KCE Japan Sound Team

Crazy as She Goes is a solid mash-up, but the Velvet Sugar one is my favorite. I mean, c'mon, Archies AND Velvet Underground? How can you beat that?

The Buckcherry song is another one of those great songs where you don't realize just how filthy the lyrics are because you're too busy singing them.

Can the Killers make a bad song? I didn't pre-order their new album, but the pre-release track is damn good.

Speaking of stuck in my head, much thanks to Greg Brown for introducing me to the Kooks. The whole album is growing on me - but She Moves In Her Own Way permanently scorched itself inside my head.

I don't know what I think of Blue October yet - but Hate Me is in regular rotation this month. The Psychedelic Furs and Jeff Buckley songs are ones I tried to learn on the guitar - but Lover, You Should've Come Over proved too daunting. Some of my favorite Keane tracks are the covers they do for benefit albums - I dig this cover.

Lastly, if you're writing an action sequence, the Metal Gear Solid music will put you in the right frame of mind - sneaking around in ventilation systems, stealth, fighting bad guys, and betrayal betrayal betrayal. However, don't listen to the Metal Gear Solid music if you're trying to write something funny and light. Take my word for it - otherwise your intended romantic comedy will feature shoot outs, mullets, and hiding in cardboard boxes.... say, now that I think about it, nevermind. I'd pay to see a romantic comedy like that.

Naming My Cities

In Civ IV, part of the game is building new cities. After all, you want your empire to expand - and to do it, you need to build cities. The game will auto-name cities for you, depending on what civilization you're playing as. For example, if you're playing as the Americans, your cities will be named Washington, New York, Boston, Philadelphia, etc. If you play as the Romans, your cities will be named Rome, Cumae, Pisae, Antium, etc.

After a while, I started getting bored with the regular city names - so I started coming up with my own. In one game, I named them after parts of the San Fernando Valley - my cities were named Van Nuys, North Hollywood, Encino, Northridge, Burbank, etc. Another time, I named my cities after nicknames for bad parts of town - my capitol city was named the Ghetto, and my cities were named the Crack District, the Trailer Park, Brothel Street, etc. In my most recent game, I named my cities after young female celebrities - my capitol city was named Paris Hilton, and my cities were named Lindsey Lohan, Britney Spears, Hilary Duff, etc.

The fun starts to happen when you get in-game events from the computer about things that affect your civilization. And when it tells you that a new religion has spread, or a "Great Person" has been born, or a new building has been built - it lets you know... and it tells you in what city this event happened in. This leads to such in-game events as-

Christianity has been founded in the Ghetto.
The Temple of Solomon has been built in North Hollywood.
The borders of Britney Spears have expanded.
Buddhism has spread in Paris Hilton.
Confucianism has spread in the Trailer Park.
Christianity has spread in Brothel Street.
Ben Franklin has been born in Paris Hilton.
You have captured Northridge!
The Sistine Chapel has been built in Hilary Duff.

Now that I think about it - "Paris Hilton" is just a great punchline to any joke. Watch -

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Paris Hilton!"

See? The comedy writes itself. Now a normal person would just leave the game alone and let it auto-name cities. Me? I prefer it when the borders of the Crack District expand...

The Terrorists Won't Win

The term hero gets thrown around a lot - but without any hyperbole or humor intended, I think it's safe to say that Anton Gerasimov is the greatest hero of this century or any other century.

Because of the terrorist plot broken up in the U.K. today, airline passengers in the United States were not allowed to bring liquids on board as carry-on items. Most of these passengers, having already checked their baggage, had no choice and threw the liquids out. But not Anton Gerasimov.



Instead of tossing the champagne away, dude SHOTGUNNED the bottle before getting on his flight. Talk about life giving you lemons and turning it into lemonade... except in this case it was hard lemonade. The man wouldn't let the terrorists push him around. He showed them by DOWNING THE ENTIRE BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE. So next time you take a drink, raise your glass to the guy who would rather fly completely blitzed... than fly in fear!

And let this be a lesson to all those who want to blow up airplanes. The people of the free world will down as much alcohol as necessary to prevent you from winning.

In the meantime, if I don't see this picture on the cover of Life or Time or one of those magazines I don't care to read and only glance at while bagging my own groceries at Food4Less, I'm going to be very unhappy.

Found this link at Fark.com.

Dead Celebrity Soulmate Game

Awesome awesome link. Had to share it - the Dead Celebrity Soulmate Game

Answer some questions, then find out who's your dead celebrity soulmate. I decided against the girl behind door #2 - Eva Paron - and against the girl behind door #3 - Queen Victoria - and ended up with-


Agatha Christie. Awesome.

Please please PLEASE click through on the link, find out who your dead celebrity soulmate is, and then share it in the comments. And much credit for this great link to Gabby's Blog.

Send in the Clownfish

About a year ago, I added a pair of false percula (ocellaris) clownfish to my tank. Cute little guys - I bought them with the hope of pairing them up as a mated pair.

Science fact for ya. Clownfish are sexually dimorphic - they all start out as males, but when nature demands it, they can change into a female. (insert joke here) So if you have two male clownfish, one of them will become the dominant one, and that dominant one will become the female (insert joke here). Then the two will pair up for life, never leave each other's sides, spawn, and have lots of eggs.

My two clownfish were inseparable. Once I put them in the tank, they never left each other - they found a part of the tank that they enjoyed, they would sleep together in the same corner of the tank, and they were adorable in how close they were.

One problem - there was no dominant one. So while they were inseparable, they were both DUDES. (insert joke here) Not that there's anything wrong with that. It just wasn't what I expected. I know I know - maybe they're just best friends. Gotcha. Right. I'm sure that's it.



Anyways, the two clownfish were quite happy together, enjoying the open and accepting environment that I've fostered in my saltwater fish tank. But last week, only one of the clownfish (the one on the right in the above picture) was seen swimming about. I hoped it just meant that the other one (the one on the left) was in hiding or something, but considering how much time the two spent together, it didn't look good. After two days, even without a body, it was clear that the other clownfish had passed away.

This clownfish story was becoming more Brokeback by the second.

I couldn't stand to see that poor clownfish by himself. Who knows if he'd do well on his own? So I went out to the store to buy a new one. Okay, it's one thing for a little kid to go running down the aisle of the store screaming, "NEMO!" It's cute - the kid recognizes the fish from the Pixar movie. Fine. It's another thing entirely when the kid's PARENTS go running down the aisle shouting, "NEMOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" (insert joke here)

So I picked out a new clownfish - this new guy was very aggressive in the shop, establishing his dominance among the other store fish. So I took the new guy home - he and the old clownfish immediately hit it off. They swam together and explored the tank together, but the old clownfish definitely established some dominance - picking at the new guy and flaring his mouth at him.

Last night, in the corner of the tank where the two clownfish used to sleep, it was still just the one old guy. The new one was sleeping elsewhere. Doesn't look like the old guy is ready to move on yet - but I'm hoping that this rebound clownfish will be his new partner for life. But at the moment, the new guy is keeping his distance.

I'm still holding out hope that these two will become a mated pair and lay eggs. I have no expectations. Maybe they'll just be best friends. Maybe they'll be more. But at this point, I just want them to live a long happy life together - and not die on me. (insert hope here)

Football for Nerds

Been busy with work - turned in something today and I have more work waiting for me on Monday. But no matter how busy I get, I have to make time for Fantasy Football.

Or as I like to call it - Football for Nerds.

For those who've never played Fantasy Football (a.k.a. people with LIVES), you pick pro players that you think will do well and you get points based on how they do. What it essentially does is make you become a fan of players from all sorts of teams - suddenly YOU have a stake in the big Houston vs New Orleans game. SURE, the game is meaningless... but if the starting QB goes down with an injury and the backup QB gets in and throws a bunch of TDs, your fantasy team can win! Like I said - football for nerds. It's like Dungeons & Dragons, except you get points when the Elves and Orcs cross the goal line.

This is going to be my third year playing in the league with the guys from the Done Deal Message Board. Two years ago, I won the league, based on the strength of Edgerrin James and Corey Dillon. Last year, I squeaked into the playoffs with the last possible playoff spot, knocked off the regular season champ in a huge upset win, but didn't make it back to the championship game to defend my championship. I blame my failures last year on my poor starting QB, Ron Mexico.

How bad is my obsession with this? I submitted some work to my story editor today - and I even asked HIM what QB I should be drafting! If you're interested, he suggested Phillip Rivers.

My fantasy draft is tomorrow and I'm probably more excited about it than I am with the real non-fantasy NFL game that airs on NBC Sunday night. For those keeping track of my football fandom at this point - Make Believe 7, Reality 0.

Here's hoping my team can rise up and win another Fantasy Football championship. I know it's kinda sad to see a grown man put all his hopes into a make-believe football team. But seeing as the Raiders (my favorite football team) are going to be lucky to go 7-9 this year, I'll take whatever win I can get. Go Team Eugene.