Premiere Week

Two premieres coming up this week of episodes I wrote.



Storm Hawks King for a Day premieres tonight at 7pm on Cartoon Network. It repeats this Saturday at 9:30pm.



Also, my first Ben 10 episode My Big Fat Alien Wedding premieres this Thursday, August 2nd, at 7 pm. It repeats this Saturday at 10am.

Back to catching up on my post Comic Con sleep...

Con Game

The Eugene World Tour 2007 ends in San Diego. Comic Con. Nerd prom. Comic kahhhhhhn!

See, Comic Con is an exhausting experience by itself, But add in jet lag from Europe and Comic Con becomes a grueling relentless beat down that's left me a weakened, broken man... only more so.

Flew from Dublin into San Diego on Thursday night. Spent 21 hours awake - 14 of those on airplanes. Worst flight was the one where I was stuck next to a guy who'd forgotten to recharge his iPod. So the dude was bored and wanted to chat... for the ENTIRE flight. Ugh.

The best part of Comic Con is running into all the great friends and peers that you never get to see enough during the year, but you get to hang out and catch up in San Diego.

Oh, and all the free food and drinks for writers ain't bad either.

It's weird to think back on how I used to dread going back to work after a vacation - now as a writer, can't wait to get back to work.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need some sleep. I've still got jet lag on top of con lag and I have no idea what day this is...

Dubbed in Dublin

Watched some cartoons this morning. A.T.O.M. getting the daily morning treatment. Dora the Explorer on the French channel dubbed in French... because the French LOVE Dora the Explorer. Also watched Tom & Jerry in French - strangely enough, I could still follow the story. Go figure.

Also watched Loonatics dubbed in... Irish. I had no idea that cartoons were dubbed into Irish.

After watching Irish Loonatics, took the DART into Dublin - visited Trinity College, Dublin Castle, and Christ Church Cathderal. Then did the full-on tour of St. Patrick's Cathedral. Chatted with a very nice woman who works there, where we talked about the weather.

Best part of St. Patrick's. When we walked in, there was some amazing choir music playing. I just assumed it was being piped in through speakers. Imagine my surprise when it was an ACTUAL choir - a huge boys' choir rehearsing on the other side of the church.

Afterwards, swung by a great Irish Pub for lunch. When we entered the pub, it was bright and sunny. When we left 45 minutes later, it was POURING rain. Very sudden and harsh, it sent everyone scrambling. How unexpected was this? I saw more women in white t-shirts than I did people with umbrellas. Then all of a sudden, it was gone and it was sunny again.

Interesting note about Ireland... it's SWARMING with Italians. So if I get this correctly, at the moment, Italy has been taken over by Americans - and Ireland has been taken over by the Italians. I have no idea why, but everywhere we've gone, there've been huge Italian tour groups.

Now I'm sitting here trying to figure out the rules of Cricket. I love the game, I just have no idea what's going on. Whatever it is, it's cool... I think. But this game needs subtitles.

Or if not subtitles, at least some sort of dubbing.

Irish Eyes are Smiling as they scream, "Get on the left side of the road!"

The Eugene World Tour comes to its last European stop - Dublin, Ireland! Another country that I've always always ALWAYS wanted to visit, but never got the chance. And now I'm making up for lost time.

Though, I must admit, I never thought that driving on the other side of the road would be this... HARD. I mean, it's REALLY hard. It's not just remembering to drive on the opposite side of the road - but it's the turning your head the other way, putting it into reverse with the left hand, trying to steer with the right hand, trying to judge distances on your left. I'm pretty sure my family is damaging the interior of the car with the way they're clawing every time I almost nearly get us all killed.

After a full day of travelling from Denmark, I'm exhausted - the only sight seeing was around the gorgeous seaside community of Howth. Ireland is just like I pictured it - green, rocky, and really beautiful.

If I don't blog again in the next few days, go ahead and assume that I went the wrong way in a roundabout and got squashed like a bug...

Gatwicker Man

The Eugene World Tour marches on, like some unstoppable... something or other. Typing this from the Departure terminal at London Gatwick airport. Woke up at 3:30am this morning to get to Copenhagen airport, and yes, waking up at 3:30am is as bad as it sounds.

Our next flight is on RyanAir. Don't know if you've heard of it, but it's a really successful European no-frills airline - similar to Southwest Airlines - but more cheap in every sense. And while their cheap no-frills fares have made them popular, they've suffered lawsuits and terrible publicity from their legendarily poor customer service. And being the adventurous type - AND a big fan of cheap - I decided to try booking a flight with them.

Tried to check-in for our flight, but the nice lady behind the RyanAir desk said that we were too early and asked if we could come back in 30 minutes. So we returned half an hour later... and the desk was CLOSED. About twenty minutes later, the most SURLY CUSTOMER SERVICE REP got behind the desk. She was muscular, mean, with a strong chiseled jaw and neck - and just a hint of an Irish brogue. She got into it with the customer in front of us, then lost her temper with some woman who made the mistake to ask her for directions. After getting my boarding passes from her, the security and customs people seemed like little sweethearts.

So I salute you, RyanAir. Home of the most scary ladies in the airline business. March on, you terrifying intimidating customer service reps.

Hven There, Done That

One of the best parts of travelling is talking to your friends beforehand and finding out about these little out-of-the-way spots off the beaten track. My buddy Charlotte was the one who suggested this trip to the Isle of Hven, in the strait between Denmark and Sweden.

Took the ferry from Helsingor, Denmark to Hven.



This was the view from the hill of some of the houses near the western harbor. We rented some bikes and road them through the island, checking out some incredible views and old houses. In the center of the island is the Tycho Brahe museum, which was fun.

Then came the rain.

A lot of rain. Copious helpings of the wet stuff falling from the sky.



So much for our day in Hven. After waiting for the rain to stop (it didn't), we jumped on our bikes and rode through the pouring rain back to the boat. Head to toe drenched in water. A fun experience, even though the weather didn't cooperate.

Which catches me up on my blogging. After two wonderful weeks in Copenhagen, the Eugene World Tour moves on tomorrow morning. More updates to come.

How Swede It Is - Norway, Yes Way!

The Eugene World Tour marched on to Sweden. Land of the meatballs. Land of the smorgasbord. Land of the Peter Forsberg and Matty Norstrom.

Drove Thursday across the huge Oresund bridge from Denmark into Sweden, then drove up through Sweden. First thing that no one tells you about Sweden - there are a TON of McDonald's restaurants. We lost count after the 9th one. It almost became a running joke.

Which presents an interesting question. Does the number of McDonald's have anything to do with the number of attractive women in Sweden? It can't just be coincidence. There must be a corollation somewhere. Something like x = y ^ 100, where x is the number of attractive women and y is the number of Chicken McNuggets per capita.

Anyways, back on topic. Stopped for lunch at a Rasta restaurant for burgers and fries. After tasting the food, realized why the Swedes build so many McDonald's everywhere.

On the drive, had an amazing, dare I say, RELIGIOUS experience. Never thought I'd see one up close. I saw something so breathtaking, so moving, that I fell to my knees and almost cried.



The Ikea distribution center. Saw it out the window while driving - had to immediately pull off the freeway and go see it. I took pictures of most of the Ikeas that we drove past while in Sweden. If you have to ask why, then you just don't understand.

Then drove up to Vadstena - in the heart of Sweden, on the shores of Lake Vattern. It's an absolutely amazing place.



We stayed in a hotel that's connected to the 700 year-old abbey and church built by St. Birgitta - the first Catholic saint from Sweden - and our room had a fantastic lake view. Visited the museum dedicated to her and the church she built. Oh - also watched a little television in our hotel room. Nice to know that a 700 year-old hotel can get cable/satellite television.



Oh, Veronica Mars, you're so perky and adorable - even with Swedish subtitles.

Friday, checked out the local castle, which like most of these Scandinavian castles, looks like it was ripped right out of a fairy tale. Moat, drawbridge, the works. And of all things, there just happened to be a Renaissance Faire in front of the castle that day. The Swedish take on the Renn Faire involves more Viking stuff than the typical American Renn Faire. They also seem more... I dunno, less nerdy.

Left and drove northward - stopped in a small town for lunch. The problem with ordering off the menu without speaking the language? You accidentally end up ordering the over-the-top biggest thing on the menu. Though, that might have more to do with my lack of understanding of the metric system. I had no idea 300g of meat would nearly kill me.

Oh - and the small town bathrooms in Sweden? They're marked "H" and "D" with no icons of any sort - I had no idea which one to use. I used the "D" one - which of course later I learned was the wrong one. Oh well. It could've been worse, I suppose.

Then drove up to the next part of the Eugene World Tour - Norway!

Now, the hilarious story as to WHY I went to Norway. See, my kid really wanted to go to Norway, for some reason. We eventually figured out it was because Norway was the first foreign country she'd heard of, from the Kim Possible film, A Sitch in Time. In it, Ron Stoppable must move far away to Norway. Behold the power of television on children, as I ended up driving six hours into Norway.

But of course, Norway turned out to be terrific.



I love these old churches with graveyards in front - because you know that the families in the area have attended the same church week after week for generations. And all their loved ones are buried there. And they know that someday they'll be there, too.

And I love these little glimpses into seeing how the other half live. For example, supermarkets. Danish supermarkets don't carry stuff like painkillers - you have to go to a separate pharmacy for that stuff. Took some getting used to. But in Sweden, the supermarkets are just like American supermarkets - even down to the rotisserie chicken.

Visited a Norwegian supermarket, which was more like Danish supermarkets. Except for the big bread-cutting machine, which I couldn't figure out how to use. And then there was this thing.



It was an ice cream cooler jammed with prawns. I'd never SEEN this many prawns before. Even in the frozen section, they sold these monstrous Costco-sized boxes of shrimp and prawns. Apparently the Norwegians love themselves some prawns.

Tired from all the driving, had to see some Norwegian television. Watched the Replacements on Disney Channel Norway - loved hearing "hallo Fleemco." Then, to complete my Norway experience, watched the Kim Possible episode, "Emotion Sickness" in Norwegian. Oh yeah - and a little bit of this.



Oprah! She's blowing up in Norway!

Saturday, visited Fredricksten Fortress - an old fort they used to fight off the Swedes. It has these amazing views of the area, and since they never bothered to build any safety railings, it feels really free and open... except for all the signs warning you not to let your kids fall off the fort. But dying children aside, the views are awesome.



Ended up spending a lot of time there. This made me chuckle - in one of the soldiers' bunkers, you can see a chamber that was used as a bathroom. This sign was posted.



The sign's kinda blurry, but basically, it's telling you in Norwegian and English that the old urinal ISN'T CONNECTED TO ANYTHING. Awesome. There's some great story behind how this sign came into existence, but I don't think I want to know.

Drove back out of Norway into Sweden - where I hit some of the worst traffic I've ever seen. It felt like everybody was trying to escape Norway. Eventually, figured out it has something to do with everyone trying to go on camping holidays at the same time on narrow two line highways. Oh yes - the Swedes love themselves some camping, almost as much as the Norwegians love prawns. We'd pass camp sites that were jammed row to row with campers for as far as the eye could see - and the roads were clogged with campers and RVs.

After driving out of Norway, we headed down the western coast of Sweden. Stopped for gasoline at one of these Preem stations.



I love their logo - a yellow and green bear. It's so ugly and cute at the same time.

Next, stopped to see this old Stone Ship.



It's like Stonehenge - but shaped like a ship. It got built 1500 years ago and no one knows why. Then stopped by in Tanumshede to view the rock carvings.



Neat stuff - carved between 2500 and 3500 years ago. While the big rocks out in the forest were amazing, the attached museum was a dud. Never trust any museum that has informational sheets on the walls that were clearly printed out from Wikipedia.

Continued driving south until we hit Göteberg - Sweden's second largest city. Stopped for dinner, and ended up heading to Liseberg - a big Swedish amusement park with a green rabbit for a mascot. Among all the roller coasters and games and shops, there's a walk of fame with stars through the park. This one made me do a double take.



Because when I think of screaming roller coasters in Sweden... I think Leonard Cohen.

Drove back south Saturday night and had to stop for gas - pulled off in the Swedish town of Angelholm around 11 p.m. Big highway sign said that there was a McDonald's, a 50's diner, and a Shell station. Pulled into the parking lot and realized that it was a Saturday night gathering of a 50's car club. The parking lot was jammed with old-style 50's cars and car enthusiasts showing them off.

No big deal, except that there were a lot of them.

In black leather jackets.

Slicked back hair.

And REAL SWITCHBLADES.

Seriously, this was a frightening looking group. Several of them were angry and were starting to fight. Don't think Jets and the Sharks - these were motorcycle gang/skin-head types. The women in poodle skirts? They had tattoos up and down their arms, piercings, and were ready to throw down. This wasn't some "Grease is the word" romanticized recreation of the 1950s. This was a gang of angry angry Swedes.

And up pulls the dopey Asian writer-guy in his Hertz rental station wagon.

I felt bad for the one poor girl working behind the glass at the Shell station - she was outnumbered 100 to 1, and they were ready to throw bottles at her. And she had to stay there - she couldn't peel out and leave like I did. Arrived safely back in Copenhagen later that night.

One last amusing observation about the Swedes and Norwegians (and to a lesser extent, the Danes). When in France, you MUST say "bonjour" and at least make an attempt to speak French. The French appreciate that you try and don't mind your butchering of their language.

Not the Swedes. Whenever I asked "talar du Engleska?" - they'd look at me like I was a babbling crazy man, then answer in perfect unaccented English, "How can I help you?" The Norwegians and Danes were similar. Maybe it has to do with the fact that so many of them speak perfect English that it's kinda dumb to ask if they speak it. But I think they also have the complete opposite view of the French and their language. It's almost a genuine confusion of why on earth would you try to speak our language?

It was weird to see my good faith effort to connect to them in their language to be met with guys with strait-jackets and butterfly nets. Then again, it was weird to chat with a teenage kid in Sweden who spoke better English than I did.

More blogging to come.

Back to the Blog

Catching up on the last few days. I've got the television on as I type this - the kid's afternoon cartoon block. And once again, it's showing Shin Chan. Man, I had no idea Shin Chan was so huge in Europe. This and Biker Mice from Mars. And David Hasselhoff. And Fanta.

Last week, headed into Copenhagen for part of the day. Visited the Tivoli Gardens - a famous amusement park & gardens in the heart of Copenhagen. The Danes are really big on Tivoli - whenever you meet a Dane, the first or second question they ask is what you thought of Tivoli. Didn't do any of the rides or anything - just enjoyed the scenery. An interesting mix of the traditional Danish stuff - and kitschy pop like the Hard Rock Cafe.



But there's something wrong about a Build a Bear Workshop being housed in an old, ornately decorated building like this.

On the way back, took the train north of Copenhagen. Saw this graffiti and chuckled.



Copenhagen is the city of doom? These taggers have obviously never lived in Van Nuys.

July 2007 Music Diary

I'll be doing some travelling about in the next few days, so don't worry if I'm not blogging.

Even though I'm away from my iTunes, thought I should keep up the music diary. This month's list of what I'm listening to is solely based on the music I'm hearing on Danish radio stations. The Danes are big on American pop-culture, so almost every radio station I've listened to is BIG on American music. Mostly pop music, but some country music and rap, too.

Anyways, all this American music isn't all good news. Danish radio stations play a lot of bad pop music that I never ever wanted to hear again. Strangely enough, there was very little European pop music on the radio. Very little U2, Coldplay, Robbie Williams, etc.

So here are two lists for you. Songs that I've heard most often on Danish radio-

Summer of '69 - Bryan Adams
Umbrella - Rihanna
Drop It Like It's Hot - Snoop Dogg
Land Down Under - Men At Work
Don't Get Me Wrong - The Pretenders
This Love - Maroon 5
Party Like A Rock Star - Shop Boyz

And of course, American songs that I've heard in the past few days that I NEVER EVER want to hear again-

I Only Want To Be With You - Hootie & The Blowfish
I'll Be There For You (Friends Theme) - Rembrandts
Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
How Am I Supposed To Live Without You - Michael Bolton
Jesus He Knows Me - Phil Collins
the entire library of - Phil Collins
no seriously, they love their - Phil Collins

Danish Television

For the most part, I can't quite tell what I'm watching.

There are commercials for a movie series... I think. They feature Zulu tribesmen who love movies... I think. There's some bit with a Zulu tribesman wearing the green one-piece swimsuit from Borat - he points at the camera and shouts, "May the Force BEAT you!" There's also a bit where the Zulu make fun of Tarzan, then watch Casino Royale on a film projector... projected on the side of an elephant.

Like I said - I can't quite tell what I'm watching.

Did watch a game show that looks like it could be a huge hit in the U.S.. It's a cross between "Name That Tune" and "American Idol" with celebrities. Two teams of Danish celebrities score points by being the first to guess what pop songs the audience members are trying to sing - it features singing celebrities and bad singing by the audience. Like I said - could be big in the U.S..

And Fanta commercials in Europe are as insultingly stupid as Fanta commercials in the U.S.

On a serious note, I'm really impressed by these Danish news anchors. They switch back and forth smoothly between Danish and English. I just wish they could talk about more than just the Tour De France. It's like it's the only thing going on in the world right now.

Storm Hawks, Ben 10, and Comic Con

In non-travel news, it looks like my first episode of Storm Hawks will be premiering on Cartoon Network on Monday, July 30th. It's titled King for a Day and I've seen it - turned out great. Be sure to check it out.

Also, the fourth season of Ben 10 episodes start airing on Cartoon Network this month. I wrote two of those - the first one should be airing later this summer.

And I can't believe that Comic Con is coming up so quickly. I'm flying into San Diego directly from Europe for it. Look for me at the Convention Center - I'll be the jet-lagged one looking for a place to lie down.

Go West, Denmark

Spent the past two days driving through the western part of Denmark - through Funen and Jutland.

First off, when I got my rental car, I was hoping to get some weird Euro car. You know - something different that I don't get to drive at home. An Opel or a Fiat or something. What did I get? A Ford Focus. Not quite the cultural experience I was hoping for, but at least it works.

And the back of the car has a HUGE "Hertz" sticker on it. Cracks me up that in the United States we have to hide the fact that it's a rental car, so it's more difficult for the thieves. I wonder if the thieves in the U.S. would look down on the thieves in Denmark, the way professional golfers look down on the amateur golfers, with their lower degree of difficulty.

Drove west away from Copenhagen. Crossing away from Zealand into Funen, you have to cross this huge bridge. The toll charge for it is about 205 Danish Kroner - about $34! Each way! Makes me wonder why there isn't more road rage in this country. And that isn't even factoring in the $5+ cost of unleaded gas.

Okay, onto some pictures. This is a self-portrait I took in the reflected glass of a bus stop in Odense.



I loved the painted logo on the bus stop. He looks like he's holding the holy hand-grenade.

Okay - this is embarrassing. When we parked in Odense, I had to buy a parking ticket from the machine. I thought it said that it was 5 Danish Kroner for 30 minutes of parking. The only coin I had was a 20 Danish Kroner (approximately $3), so I figured I'd plunk it in and pay for 2 hours of parking. Then the machine gave me this ticket.



My Danish isn't all that good, but I'm pretty sure I just paid for 22 hours worth of parking. Sigh.

As part of the journey through Jutland, I took the family to Legoland Billund. Now I've been to Legoland in California lots of times, but this is the original, and someone recommended it to me. While it's similar to the one I've been to, lots of differences. For starters, there's a "land" dedicated to the American Old West called "Legoredo" - where I came upon this gem.



I love that the American flag is flying proudly in Legoland. They don't ALL hate us over here. Though, the parts of Legoredo about the Native Americans? Hilariously politically incorrect. Nothing like grown adults running around with feather headbands making "oo oo oo oo oo" noises.

Also, theme parks in Europe are a great place to observe the differences between Americans and Europeans. For example, you'd never get away with bringing your dog to a theme park in the U.S. - here, not only do people bring them, but Legoland had water dishes all over the park for dogs.

And for sheer entertainment value, nothing beats the dudes who take off their shirts when it gets hot. Pasty white European guys should NOT be going shirtless in the presence of kids. The old folks smoking cigarettes one after another and blowing the second-hand smoke in all directions... are way less damaging to kids than the glaring topless white guys.

A few more thoughts on Legoland. For lunch, had the veal at the Knights Barbecue - it wasn't bad. But the real reason I had it was so I'll now forever be able to tell people, "If you're ever at Legoland, try the veal."

As we left, had to take a picture of this sign.



Is it just me, or does the term "Lego Security" bring up visions of little guys with yellow heads, huge smiles, and carrying gray plastic guns with little pieces of colored plastic at the ends?

Finally, on the way back east, stopped along the side of the freeway to grab dinner - and wouldn't you know that it was another McDonald's? I've had more McDonald's in the past three weeks in Europe than I have in the past two years. If you MUST visit a McDonald's while travelling abroad, the advice I was given was to try something different and unique to the area you're visiting. Sticking to that, I ordered the bøfsandwich. The bøfsandwich was a McDonald's hamburger, but topped with spicy mustard and a HUGE amount of dried onions. At least that's what I THINK it was.

Also at McDonald's, I took this picture of the dessert menu board.



I'm pretty sure I've written jokes where the punch-line was, "McDonut!" Apparently it's a real thing. Wonder why they wouldn't carry such a product in the United States? Or would that be too predictable?

Also watched some Cartoon Network in the kids lounge in McDonald's - Scooby Doo, Tom & Jerry, and some Foster's commercials in Danish. Yeah, I felt kinda bad being the only grown-up in the lounge, but hey - it's research.

So get outta the way kid and stop bogarting that Hamburgler chair...

Last One, I Promise

Because really... is there any way I'm going to be able to top this one?

King of Denmark

First off, thanks to google/blogger, for translating a bunch of my web pages into Danish for me. It makes it a lot harder to post to my blog when I have to figure out what a "brugernavn" is...

Well, after two weeks of madcap whirlwind sight-seeing, it's been nice to take things a little slower around Denmark. Because of the home exchange I'm doing (we're living in a Danish family's house, while they live in our house in Los Angeles), I get to live in Denmark as more of a local than a tourist.

At the local supermarket, found two comic books - one was a Danish translation of Batman: Year One, the other was a Danish translation of Marvel's Civil War. Haven't watched any cartoons yet here in Denmark, but I watched a few subtitled American/UK sitcoms. Also watched some West Wing - boy, you gotta feel bad for the guy who has to type up the foreign subtitles for an Aaron Sorkin show.

Okay - a few pictures for you. This is me at Kronborg Castle - the castle that Shakespeare used to set Hamlet in.



This was the writing desk of King Christian IV. He had his own "writing closet" where this desk was in. I don't know about you, but I gotta get me one of these golden desks to write on.



This is the coronation crown of King Christian IV. I tried to take it out to get washed, but the guards were all "stop thief" on me.



And I'll leave you with this picture. Just further proof that I'm incredibly juvenile.



Hee hee.

How many ø in København?

The Eugene World Tour 2007 marches on to Copenhagen! But barely.

First off, the flight to Copenhagen was late. Then there was a problem with the rental car, so we didn't get out of the airport til it was late. Then got lost navigating the suburbs of Copenhagen at night. If it wasn't for a route map on an illuminated bus stop, I might have never been found.

More blogging soon - in the meantime, just wanted to post a couple pictures. This is a self-portrait I took in the window of an Italian train.



And this is a picture of a sign at Berlin's Schoenefeld Airport. I don't know what it means, except that I'm incredibly childish.

Nein!

The Eugene World Tour 2007 continues - next stop, Berlin!

Left Rome early this morning. A few more brief thoughts on Rome.

Didn't get robbed at all during my time in Rome, which was a nice surprise. Just to remind me that vacations aren't all rosy and perfect, had to share a bus ride this morning with a mentally ill Italian woman, screaming the entire trip at no one in particular. Though, I'm glad I took precautions - unlike the moron at the restaurant whose U.S. Passport was sticking out of his back pocket. I wanted him to get pick-pocketed on general principle.

Went to mass at St. Peter's on Sunday. That was fun - quite an experience going to church in THE church. Though, after communion, just like at any Catholic mass in the U.S., people cleared out and took off running. I don't get that. Okay, I get that some people go to church each week out of force of habit, and they just want to get out of there as fast as possible, and I get that some people want to beat the parking rush and ditch church early. BUT THERE ARE NO DONUTS IN THE ST. PETER'S PARKING LOT AFTER MASS. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO MISS OUT ON THE LAST BEARCLAW BECAUSE THAT ARCHBISHOP GOT HIS SNEAKY MITTS ON IT FIRST.

After mass, went out into the square and saw the Pope speak from his window. Which was nice... because, get this, he went on his vacation the next day. I like to think the Pope was really into his speech that he gave, and not thinking, "Man, I can't wait to get out of these vestments and get to work on my tan." Oh, the Pope gave part of his talk in English, and gave a blessing to the visitors who had arrived in Rome for the International Handball tournament. I'm not making that up.

We left Rome, with a connecting stop in Berlin. Flying into Schoenfeld Airport, I looked out the window to eye the German countryside... and then stare incredulously at the Ikea next to the airport. Something comforting about flying into Ikea.

Though, that's the only thing comforting about Germany. While I'm terrible at other languages, I'm REALLY bad at German. More than once today, someone has had to smirk and speak English to me, just because the terrified blank expression on my face spoke more than volumes. The first time someone said "Nein" to me, I thought I was going to cry.

With several hours to kill, we took the train into the center of Berlin to do some sightseeing. On the train out there, I was in a car with some German guy, who sneezed loudly. Suddenly it hit me. Do I say Gesundheit? Oh, this is the perfect place to say it! I'm in Germany! Wait - what if that's just one of those made-up things that we say in the U.S., but Germans find stupid. I don't want to look stupid. Will saying Gesundheit make me look stupid? Drat, it's too late. The moment has passed. I chickened out - I should've said it.

As for sightseeing, I gotta say - the Brandenburg Gate? A lot smaller than I pictured it. Maybe I'd built it up in my head, since all the Cold War stories used to involve some sort of espionage or intrigue at the Gate. Heck, there was an entire sequence in the game Golgo 13 that took place at the Gate. In real life? It's kinda small.

Lastly, what is with all the Burger Kings in Berlin? I saw at least two of them. Actually ate in one for dinner while waiting here at the airport. Know what they call at Whopper in Germany? They call it a Whopper. But I'm sure they call it Die Whopper.

And we all know that the Whopper cannot die. It can only choose to stop living.

When in Rome, Blog as the Romans Do

A few last things about Paris.

While I didn't want to go to Paris just to eat fast food, for lunch one day, we ended up at the McDonald's next to the Louvre. Since it was nice out, we grabbed McDonald's and had a picnic in the Jardin de Tuilieres. Now, I read a travel book that suggested trying to stop in a fast food joint while in Europe, not to order a Big Mac, but to order something off the menu that they only have in the country you're in. So if you're me and you're in McDonald's in Europe, what do you order? Of course - Royale with Cheese. Thank you, Quentin Tarantino. When I saw that on the menu, that's it, I had to try one. I ended up ordering the Royale Deluxe, which is just like a Quarter Pounder, but with a honey mustard mayonnaise. They also gave me mayonnaise for my fries - then to complete my French Pulp Fiction moment, I re-enacted the scene with Uma Thurman and the syringe...

Something about Paris you might not know, but French people LOVE Dora the Explorer. It goes Jerry Lewis, Woody Allen, and Dora the Explorer. Got to watch Dora the Explorer on French television, saw some guy walking down Rue de Montparnasse carrying an enormous Dora the Explorer toy play-set, and I counted at least two Dora the Explorer car sunshades on the way to the airport. So let it be known - the French love Dora the Explorer.

But they think Diego is a little @%&#.

The Eugene World Tour moves on. Next stop - Italy! Got to Charles De Gaulle airport three hours before my flight, and then got told that I was TOO EARLY to check-in because the staff wouldn't get there for another hour. Never had that happen before. Then the flight from Paris was delayed by two hours and there was another one hour delay for the luggage in Rome - and if it sounds like fun, IT WAS SO MUCH FUN. Fun like a gun to the head. Not the best way to start this leg of the trip. Then again, the Italians are known for their laid back attitudes towards timeliness. So maybe that 11:15am flight means 11:15-ISH. In that case, the flight wasn't delayed - it was just taking its time.

Now here's the point that I admit that I was scared about coming to Rome. Every tourist guide you read about Rome starts off like this, "Rome is a city of PICK-POCKETS, GYPSIES, GANGS - BUY A SECURE MONEY BELT, A KNIFE-PROOF PURSE, AND LIFE INSURANCE." Needless to say, I was a little worried. The common suggestion is to try to not look like a tourist, but looking like I do, I was TERRIFIED that I wouldn't fit in. Can you imagine some gang of roving knife-wielding gypsies seeing me? "Look! It's one of them there Asian-Americans with hair-highlights and Dockers pants. That must mean he's rich! Let's get him!"

Now a friend told me that exaggerating Rome's reputation for thieves is the only way to warn ignorant tourists not to let themselves be easy targets. I was hoping he was right.

I got off the plane and walked through the Rome Fiumicino airport without being attacked. So far - so good. Then got on the train. Again, nothing out of the ordinary. Then got off the first train to connect to the next train - had to buy a ticket. First, got hassled by the scariest homeless guy I'd ever seen (until the next one I saw - needless to say ALL homeless guys look like they're from the Robin Williams-school of over-acting...) - then while waiting to buy a ticket, I got grabbed by the arm by this mentally-ill pregnant woman, shouting at me in Italian. I kinda blurted out, "non parlo inglese!" I meant to say that I didn't speak Italian, but in my scared state, it came out that I didn't speak English. Presumably, she thought I was crazier than she was, so she left me alone.

This was within my first few hours in Italy.... and I was FREAKING OUT. The good news is that since then, I've had no scary encounters at all - and no one has tried to pick-pocket me. Then again, I am wearing a secure money belt, a knife-proof purse, and a fat life insurance policy...

And then the trip got hard. After all these travel delays, finally reached my train destination... and the doors were BROKEN. Carrying two bags of luggage behind me, I SPRINTED through the train shouting, "Me scuzi! Me scuzi!" I threw the bags off the car and held the train doors open long enough for the rest of my family to leap off the train.

And then the trip got REALLY hard. Because my hotel is at the top of a mountain. Remember that Simpsons bit with the first convenience store in the world, and Homer notes, "This isn't very convenient." This hotel is like that. Had to drag two bags of luggage, my laptop bag, my family, a stroller, and my whiny lazy @$$ up the narrow cobblestone street, avoiding racing cars and motorcycles, just to get to there.

Okay - enough whining. Rome since then has been awesome. The hotel is in an out-of-the-way area, very non-touristy. The hotel/apartment that I'm staying in feels like an Italian apartment, with no hotel-like conveniences. Heck, even the toilet is one of those with the pull-down thing, just like the one Michael Corleone hid the handgun behind in the first Godfather movie. This place has lots of friendly locals and is close to the Vatican. We can hear the Vatican church bells in the morning. I like to picture the Pope rolling out of bed and hitting the snooze on the church bells, complaining, "Just five more minutes..."

Though, my one complaint about Rome is the same one as the one about Paris - which is that there are American tourists coming out of the woodwork. It's like there was some unannounced invasion of Italy and we've taken over. I'm now part of an occupying force of American tourists - no sign of any Italians.

A few observations on Rome...

-Visited Trevi Fountain. The story goes that if you throw one coin in, you'll someday return to Rome - two coins in, you'll fall in love in Rome - three coins in and you'll marry a Roman. So I borrowed three coins from my wife and threw them in... see, she didn't find that joke funny either. I found it HYSTERICAL and I'm sure my new Roman wife will agree with me. At least I hope it's a wife. They never actually SAID that you would marry a Roman of the opposite sex. I don't want to marry a Roman dude. Though, it would serve me right, wouldn't it?

-Visited the Vatican. St. Peter's Basilica has a dress code - the rule being that it's a church, so you have to wear something that would be conservatively appropriate for church. So while you're waiting in line to get in, it's SO MUCH FUN to watch angry people walking back in the opposite direction - people who stood in line, didn't read the signs or chose to ignore them, and then get turned away for dressing like skanks. The dude in the wife-beater? Turned away - the expressions on his parents' faces were priceless. Then there were the three Hilton sisters who looked like they just got off of Miami Beach. There's something hysterically awesome about trying to get into church when your sunglasses cover more skin than your pants. Finally, saw one woman walking around in the church wearing two "Roma" shawls - one wrapped over her shoulders, one wrapped around her legs. She'd tried to get into the church wearing the equivalent of a Brazilian bikini, then bought two touristy "Roma" shawls from the street salesmen to wrap herself up and get past the dress code. Good for her - she has more ingenuity than reading skills.

-Visited the Sistine Chapel. Holy smokes - it's gorgeous, but it better be after the effort it takes to get there. You can imagine the most evil interrogator in some secret Eastern European water-boarding center telling Dick Cheney, "Let's crank up the temperature and humidity, then make them walk around shoulder to shoulder with thousands of smelly tourists for hours and hours in an enclosed place." Even the most hardened man would crack under this kind of torture. Torture with tour guides and headsets. Interestingly enough, while we were inside the Sistine Chapel, a FIRE ALARM went off. Some people left, leaving more room for us to enjoy it... until the security staff closed the doors and forced us to leave. Man, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times - that Vatican City fire marshal is a real #$#@! So now I can say that I've gone through a Sistine Chapel fire drill.

-The food is AWESOME. Someone told me that in Rome, every meal you have is the greatest meal you've ever had. He was right.

-Internet. The net is down at my hotel, so I went to the local internet cafe... which is CLOSED on weekends. Ugh, what do the teens do on weekends? Anyways, so I'm typing this from an internet cafe a million miles from my hotel. Hope you never have to type anything on an Italian keyboard. There are like a dozen shift keys on this thing.

-The ads. Italian television ads are awesome - and I'm not just talking about the suntan lotion ads. Saw a television ad that showed the aftermath of a horrific car accident, with a shattered car overturned in the middle of the street and devastation everywhere. As a voice over explained the importance of safe driving, an injured man starts to slowly crawl out of the overturned car... then out of nowhere, another speeding car SLAMS into the overturned car. Okay - I know what they were going for and I admire the creativity behind it, but man, did it have the wrong intended effect. The other ads I've noticed are the buses with billboards for American television shows. The Simpsons billboard had me chuckle, and the Battlestar Galactica billboard surprised me. But the Sopranos billboard had me on the floor laughing. What do you suppose the Italians think of the Sopranos? And do you think they love it more than the French love Dora?

More updates to come.

Bon Voyage Eugene (and don't come back!)

Apologies for the lack of updates. Let's get you caught up to speed.

The second day in Belgium, headed out of Brussels to visit the city of Brugge. Admitedly, I didn't get what the big deal was about Brugge - but everything you read says to visit it. When you arrive in Brugge, you don't get what's so special - cars driving past on a big highway. Seems like any other European country.

Then you cross the road, walk a few feet, and then BOOM - you've jumped into a time machine and gone back 500 years. Amazing town, where everything looks like it's been frozen in time.



Bruges had my favorite dumb-American moment. Some American guy was trying to take a picture of his 12 year-old son. His son was having none of it. So the dad is following his son with a camera shouting at the top of his lungs, "TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT ME SO I CAN TAKE THIS PICTURE!" The boy dutifully responds, "No! I don't want to!" The dad goes nuclear, chasing his son with the camera. "LOOK AT ME NOW! I'M YOUR FATHER! LOOK AT ME!" I almost took a picture of them, because it was so awesome watching this wonderful father-son dynamic.

Bruges also has the Chocolate Museum, which had this great story about wealthy Spanish women having chocolate delivered to them by their servants while in church. This so outraged the priest that he BANNED chocolate during mass... so the women STOPPED going to church! The situation was resolved and the ban was lifted when someone ended up POISONING the priest. Wow - never ever get between a woman and her chocolate.

One last thing about Belgium. One night, we all went out for Belgian fast food. I got the Belgian-style meatballs, which are really tasty, but have a remarkable similarity to Chef-Boyardee. If I hadn't seen the cook make them in front of me, I would think that Belgian-style meatballs are a made-up entity for the express purpose of feeding Chef-Boyardee to tourists. While I enjoyed my Chef-Boyardee, my family had the Belgian Waffles... and were given this really cool fork.



Is this not awesome? It's half fork, half knife! It's a knork! Or a Fife! Whatever you call it, I'm very impressed by the Belgian utensil technology.

The next day, the Eugene World Tour headed off to Paris, France. Unfortunately, there are no French people in Paris - it's swarmed over by Americans. Everywhere we go are hundreds of American tourists - it's like an infestation and we're coming out of the woodwork.

I don't know where the rude Frenchman stereotype came from, but man, these French people are amazingly cool. The only rude ones I encountered were the drunk homeless guys outside the Louvre.

Seriously - what's with all the drunk homeless guys hanging out at the Louvre? I blame Dan Brown.

Anyways, the people here in France have been incredibly nice, even though I'm doing my best to butcher the French language at every opportunity. Even got into a great English conversation with this woman on the metro.

Oh, and I wasn't aware of this, but apparently there's some sort of Harry Potter movie coming out? I only became aware of this recently since I've been BOMBARDED with advertisements in every country I've been in. I half expected the Eiffel Tower to be turned into a giant broomstick.

And my visit to Paris has re-affirmed my love of bread. There's something in the water here that makes bread amazingly good.

Can't wait to see this film after I get back in the states. Thought the sight of the poster in Paris was neat.



Lastly, one tip for anyone who's ever going to visit Paris? Before riding on the Metro, don't forget to learn what the word SORTIE means. Otherwise you end up being a Eugene, wandering around the Metro station like a moron.

The tour continues...

"That's where they make those awful sprouts!"

The Eugene World Tour 2007's next stop - Brussels! I didn't think I'd get so attached to London, but go figure - I did. Five days wasn't enough. Can't wait to go back.

London is now in the rear view mirror. Left Waterloo train station for Brussels. Did some work on the Eurostar while using my iPod for some rudimentary French lessons.

After arriving at the hotel, headed out for some sight-seeing. Wandered through the Royal Galleries of St. Hubert. Oggled some amazing old churches. Grabbed dinner at Chez Leon, ordering their famous mussels and fries. Then made our way to the Brussels Grand Place. Which. Is. Awesome. Totally worth all the hype.

The language issue is going to be fun to tackle, with so many languages spoken here. People tend to think I'm French, speaking French to me, then switching to English when they see how confused I look. The hotel here has twenty something channels - mostly in French, a few in English, and a few in Dutch. I can now say that I've watched Cartoon Network in French.

My other great impression of Brussels is the sheer number of comic book shops and action figure stores. I know that the Belgians love comic art, but I didn't realize it translated into so many cool-looking comic shops. One shop had window displays of Jeff Smith's Bone and Stan Sakai's Usagi Yojimbo. They've got good taste here.

So the question is - tomorrow morning. Do I eat the hotel breakfast? Or do I go to the big place across the street with the neon Belgian Waffle? I'm thinking I must answer the call of the neon waffle...