The Last Blog Post of the Year

I was going to write something meaningful or deep - or at the very least pseudo-deep - as the last post of 2007. I started to write something about what I did in 2007, what I want to do in 2008, about my hopes and dreams, about my biggest successes and failures, about where I see my personal life and professional career going.

Then I realized that would be boring. So instead, I just want to say... thanks.

Thanks for being great friends. Thanks for having lunch with me. Thanks for picking me up when I'm down. Thanks for hiring me. Thanks for taking the time to read my rants. Thanks for not reporting me to Homeland Security. Thanks for making me laugh.

Here's to 2008. The year we conquer the world.

Scary Direct TV Girl

It's going to take me 60 seconds to explain why Direct TV's latest ad freaks me out.



FREAKS. ME. OUT.

She just stares directly at you through the television set, forcefully telling you in this hypnotic robot voice why you should switch from cable to dish, while weird high-tech sound effects play in the background.

Egads, isn't she freaky? With her enormous eyes and pale white skin, like a mole-person or CHUD who's never seen sunlight from the surface world.

The ad runs constantly. I have cable, so they run the ad like every five minutes on every channel. And the worst part is that I have to see her projected across my big television set in high definition. She looks even freakier in 1080i.

Oh - maybe you don't agree with me? Maybe the commercials don't bother you? Maybe you don't think she's that scary? Then observe-



Uncanny, isn't it?

Now keep in mind, despite me glossing her "scary direct tv girl", I don't actually think the actress is scary. She's clearly very attractive. I bet in real life she's in that upper echelon of girls that normal guys could never hope to attain. Definitely way out of my league.

But even pretty women have bad days. Unfortunately for her, the Direct TV ad people chose to film her on such a bad day... after putting the camera way too close to her, putting on some strange "woman-from-the-future" make-up, and then giving her a terrible sales pitch.

C'mon, Direct TV. I don't respond to weird pressure sales tactics. If someone came to my door with a "I need 60 seconds of your time" sales-pitch, I'd slam the door in their face. And when this woman comes on my tv, I change the channel.

Check that. I make sure my kids avert their eyes, lest her gaze steal their soul. THEN I change the channel.

Unless this is some sort of evil plot to get me to switch to Direct TV, by promising that I won't be subjected to their awful ads if I switch from cable. In which case, bravo Direct TV, you magnificent evil geniuses.

I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes...

Christmas is all around. Ah, Billy Mack - you are a man among men.

Sorry for the lack of blogging this week. Busy finishing up a writing job, then having to coordinate the obligatory family visits during the holidays, then trying to find time to see my friends and go to their holiday parties.

And, of course, busy playing video games. My brother lent me a bunch of video games that he's not playing, so now I'm up to my eyeballs in games. Finally got around to finishing Halo 3. Not really sure what the ending is all about, but it was fun to get there. I think.

And, of course, reading comic books. Thanks to the generosity of my friends, I've got this enormous stack of DC comic books. And every time I put a dent in the stack, they give me more. It's awesome. It's like the story of Jesus with the loaves and fishes... except with comic books.

And since this is Southern California, I'm loving the weather. It's been like 70-75 degrees the past few days. I know some people love snow for Christmas, but I gotta say, I prefer the warm mild sunshine.

Oh - I also got hurt in martial arts class. Yes, AGAIN. This time I got hurt by my safety equipment. Yes, there's an embarrassing story involved - no, I don't want to bore you with it. Plus with my luck, it'll happen again soon.

As for my Christmas plans, I'm going to do what I usually do - stake out the chimney and try to catch Santa. If I finally catch him, I want to know why I'm so good every year when he never brings me what I really want for Christmas - Lynda Carter circa 1975. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Memo to Santa - if I catch you, I'm willing to waterboard the $#!# outta you until I get what I want...

And on that cheery note, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everybody! Stay safe.

Back to Normal

Water got turned back on an hour ago. I celebrated by taking a 60 minute shower.

I'm thirsty

[best Lewis Black impersonation]

Some people think that everything was better in the good old days. I've never felt nostalgic about the past. For example, I've never thought about what it would've been like to live without running water.

Now I know what it was like. And it SUCKED.

[/end Lewis Black impersonation]

The water has been out in my house all day. It went out sometime this morning before 6am, when a city pipe burst. 15 hours later, no water.

When I woke this morning, I planned on taking a nice hot shower, then writing all day, then helping cook some fresh pasta for dinner. Instead, I've spent the whole day sitting around, unable to wash my face or hair, unable to shave, brushing my teeth with bottled water like I'm in some third world country, eating fast food because I don't have water to cook.

The city crews have been working down the street, digging up the concrete and replacing the bad water pipe. Huge trucks have been rumbling down the street all day with heavy equipment, cranes, and lengths of pipe. Around nightfall, another huge truck dragged a bunch of high-powered lights to let the crews continue working. Supposedly they plan to have the water turned back on around midnight tonight.

It COULD be worse. Thankfully, I have a supply of 25 gallons of fresh water that I keep in the backyard - most of the time I use it for fish tank water changes, but it also serves as a water reservoir in case of earthquake or emergency.

15 hours without water counts as an emergency in my book. "Dear Santa, please bring me running water. Thanks! -Eugene"

Bad Blog! Bad, bad Blog!

For some reason, I was reading this unnamed person's blog. And I kid you not, one recent entry was perhaps the single worst thing I've ever read in my life. It's a long rambling story that doesn't go anywhere. When I finished it, I could actually hear my brain synapses misfire.

Maybe I missed something. So I went back and re-read the story - assuming that I'd skipped over something while reading and that somehow it was my fault that the story didn't make sense.

Clearly a classic case of the victim blaming himself. Because I read it again and realized that I hadn't misread it. The story was really that bad. It was long, pointless, and the boring end made no sense. Then I got ANGRY - because not only was I subjected to some awful writing, but it was so bad IT MADE ME READ IT TWICE.

Behold the power of bad writing.

In case you're wondering if it's your blog, it's not. But if you know an inept writer wannabe who tells long rambling stories with no point, then yes, it's them.

Anyways, other than bad stuff I'm reading online, nothing to blog about at the moment. Writing, strike-watching, visiting family members for the holidays, wrapping stuff. Wrapping lots and lots of stuff.

Sorry I haven't had more stuff for you this week, so here's some linkage for you. Just because it made me laugh- You Make Bunny Cry

Three Things that are not Sheets

I got caught up watching this show "Three Sheets" on Mojo last night. It's basically a guy going around the world getting drunk, while a high-definition camera crew chronicles the entire thing. And it's strangely watchable. Because for whatever reason, the show is right - you can learn a lot about the people of far-off and exotic places by what they drink and how they drink it.

Went to a couple of parties this weekend. Three topics were the most talked about.

TOPIC THE FIRST - the "wrap" party. Every year my managers throw a great holiday "wrap" party, but word on the street is that it's been cancelled. They're taking the money for the party and donating it to the WGA Strike Fund, so it's going to a good cause. But this was one of the best parties of the year. Guess it's just another reason to be annoyed at the strike.

TOPIC THE SECOND - the strike. Where people are picketing, what people have seen, what celebrities have walked the line, what they've heard about the negotiations. Lots of juicy rumors, but the only real fact is that the studios walked away from the negotiating table last week. Doesn't look like anything will happen until at least January.

TOPIC THE THIRD - Sharpay getting a nose job. ERRRRRR, I mean, uh, surgery for a deviated septum. Don't ask me why this kept coming up. Try as we might, we just can't get away from the HSM. It's a worldwide phenomenon that threatens to steamroll everything in sight, but there's no use fighting it. We can only hope that when HSM comes to kill us all in our sleep, it kills us quickly and without any up-tempo singing and dancing.

Man, I need a drink. And maybe a bagel.

Rallies and Parties

Tenacious D
Originally uploaded by eugeneson

Braved the on and off rain on Friday and headed to Burbank for the WGA rally. Tenacious D did a great set - three songs. Ended with a catch tune called, "the government totally sucks, mother@#$#er." Lots of writers and actors in the crowd. Saw Nicole Sullivan at the rally with her baby in a baby bjorn - both actress and baby looked fab.

Then in the evening went to the annual IATSE Local 839 (Animation Guild) holiday party in Burbank. Huge room full of people. Got some solid swag (book and bag), but also had maybe the worst chicken skewers ever. But skewers notwithstanding, it was a great night. Too many writers and artists there to mention all by name. Just know there are a lot of you out there.

The topic of discussion last night? Not the WGA strike - which looks like it's destined to go through Christmas.

No, the most discussed topic was whether or not our managers will host their annual holiday bash. The answer is I have no idea, but considering how scaled back and cancelled most holiday events have been because of the WGA strike, I wouldn't be surprised to see it cancelled.

But man, I hope it's still on. If for no other reason than to snack on powdered donuts with the 61st most powerful woman in Hollywood.

Where I'll be Friday

I haven't seen this confirmed anywhere, but then again, this is the internet - I'll post my unsubstantiated rumor here, and if it turns out to be wrong, I'll delete it and act like it never happened.

This Friday, December 7th, the WGA is planning a picket in Burbank from 12-2 (more info here). Word on the street is that Tenacious D is going to perform in support of the writers.

You think maybe Jack Black might have something funny to say about the corporations and studios trying to stick it to the writers? I'm there.

A Plug and Yet Another Trip-Planning Story

First the plug-

The good news - they're running Storm Hawks every day on Cartoon Network now. The bad news - they're running them at 6:30am every morning.

So I don't expect you to get up and watch them at that ridiculous hour. But if you've got Cartoon Network and can set your Tivo to record them-

Thursday, December 6th - Calling All Domos
Wednesday, December 12th - Atmos' Most Wanted

Okay - gratuitous plug out of the way. Now the trip-planning story-

As I browse potential vacations, I found that the highest rated tourism destination in Eastern Europe is Auschwitz-Birkenau. I ended up reading an emotional first-person trip report from a woman who wrote eloquently about the camp's emotional impact, how many times she cried during the tour, and how the visit really changed her.

And I would've had nothing snarky to say about such touching raw emotional honesty... if it wasn't written by someone with the unfortunate username Juicy Lucy.

Juicy Lucy.

The bizarre unintentional hilarity is almost... juicy.

The Tennis Ball

Kings Tennis Ball
Originally uploaded by eugeneson

You may ask yourself - why is Eugene blogging about a tennis ball? Good question. Here's the long-winded and boring answer.

Saturday night, my friend Rick got tickets to the Kings game in the Premiere section in Staples Center. So instead of my usual seats back in the upper bowl, we were in the luxury box seats.

These are some corporation's corporate tax write-off seats - so they're NICE. Exclusive parking rights, exclusive entrance into the arena that other people can't use, exclusive restaurants and dessert carts, in-seat food and drink service, free stuff when you walk in, etc. The tickets, where it's supposed to list the face value of the seats, just say VIP.

So as I'm sitting there wondering if I should have the waiters bring me the assorted sushi and sashimi plate (not making this up - $10.50, didn't order it), Rick and I joke around about the in-game entertainment. The Kings have these "Kings Crew" guys and girls who entertain the crowd during television time-outs by running around and throwing free swag into the crowd - mostly t-shirts.

And the people who need a free t-shirt the least? The ones in the expensive seats? They're always the ones that get free stuff. The ones in the cheap seats? They don't get squat.

I'd be angry... if I had even the slightest desire to own a free t-shirt.

But now I'm in the expensive seats. And we're joking around that now we're gonna win one of those stupid t-shirts.

So during the first period, the Kings Crew runs out and does this promotion where they throw tennis balls with Kings players numbers on them. If you catch one with a Kings player number on it, you take it to a booth and register it - if that Kings player scores the first goal of the second period, you win a prize pack.

And lo and behold, the Kings Crew guy starts throwing around tennis balls. And we're watching him, cracking jokes about how he throws like a girl. Then he turns around and Rick notes, "You know, one might actually make it over here."

And with that , the guy THROWS the ball into the section next to us. A bunch of guys jump up to grab the tennis ball - and DOINK! It bounces off their fingers into our section, where I one-handed SWIPE the ball out of the air.

Now a few thoughts cross my mind as I'm holding the thing.

-I couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe it. After all these years of going to Kings games - I'm guessing maybe 80+ games over my lifetime - I finally win something... and it's a freaking TENNIS BALL. And I don't even get to keep it. I have to turn it in for a chance to win a prize pack.

-I always thought that if I ever caught something in a game, I would be one of those magnanimous guys who would flip the thing to a kid. After all, I'm a grown adult (supposedly). A little kid would appreciate this more. And yet for some reason, as soon as it came into my hand, I became INCREDIBLY GREEDY. All these competitive urges kicked in and I didn't want NOBODY to get near my ball. It was MINE. MINE MINE MINE.

-I suddenly had this weird vision of that guy who caught the Barry Bonds home run ball, then got pummelled by all the fans around him trying to get the ball away from him. And suddenly I had this irrational fear that someone would jump me for my tennis ball. This may have been tied into the above mentioned competitive/greed thing.

-I thought of that guy who caught the Mark McGuire home run ball, and then when he was asked what it was like to catch it, he described it as, "a huge rush of estrogen." I love that quote. I wonder what it's like. Not to get a rush of estrogen. I wonder what it's like to go on the national media and tell EVERYONE you had a huge rush of estrogen? Thankfully, I'll never know. Wonder which one of his friends told him about his mistake.

-And all those hours spent throwing a tennis ball around with my kids? It FINALLY pays off.

So after the first period, I took the tennis ball to turn it in. I had gotten #12 - Patrick O'Sullivan - who played a great game. Alas, he didn't score a goal in the next period, so I didn't in the prize. In fact, no Kings scored for the rest of the game and the Kings got pummelled.

But I did get a consolation prize. Because when I turned in the tennis ball, I was given (wait for it... wait for it...)-

A $5 coupon off Farmer John meat products.

Oh yes.

The Kings lost, but I went home happy. Cause I may be a Kings fan, but I'm a bigger fan of meat.

Go Meat Go.